So how do you truly know if you are passionate about something?

(1) You can’t stop thinking about it

I mean borderline obsessively.
Look at how you spend your time.

• What podcasts do you listen to?

• What do you read about?

• What catches your attention?

• What are you excited to tell others about?

(2) You’ll feel & get reoccurring signals

Notice how your body and mind react when you ignore what you’re passionate about.

You might feel it as tension in your chest, restlessness, or constant mental noise.

• For me its quite irritation with myself for not doing the thing I know I am meant to. And as soon as I do it. The irritation stop. Instead I see even more creative possibilities, and wish I had more time in the day.

• A friend once told me, “If I don’t paint, I feel constipated.”

• Another said, “I know I’m passionate when I’d rather work on this than go kite-boarding in Mexico.”

(3) Do you start, stop, yet always restart?

Some people stop right before they launch.
They find a reason to not release that book, article, or idea.
They talk themselves out of it.

Most likely due to fear, or doubt.

Watch for this pattern and break it.
Many have it for years.
Either do something you say you are passionate about, really see it through or drop it.

(4) Listen to what lights you up every week

We get caught making decisions based on what we want to avoid rather than what we want to move towards.

• Start understanding your energy patters, to make decision in your career from a place of joy and passion.

• You’re already noticing what lights you up, and what drains you. You’re just too busy to notice.

• Get specific instead of getting caught up in the feeling “I have my manager” or “I hate my job.”

(5) You’ll feel a reoccurring YES

Notice what you feel YES about, to understand your passions. Learning to understand how you feel when you respond to something with a full yes, can help you notice the things you’re passionate about and continuously feel excited by.

How do I follow my passion at work?

(1) Notice what you love doing with or for family and friends

People have mentioned to me:

• “I’d love to get involved in real estate with my family.”

• “I’m always planning events for my community, for free, like sound healing or wine tours.”

• “I’m the friend everyone calls when they’re going through something. I just love helping people”

• “I’m always helping people eat right, and love cooking for them.”

You can recreate some of the things you love doing for and with family and friends in your career.

Match what you love to jobs that help you do more of what you love:

• Love community? Join a company as a Community Manager, Relationship Manager, Event Planner, etc.

• Love helping people? Change careers into Customer Support, therapy

• Creative? Study product design, interior design

• Love writing? Content Strategy, Product Marketing Management

• Curating experiences? Hospitality, lifestyle branding, food writing, or tourism.

• Always organizing? Project management, operations, logistics

(2) Focus on WHO you want to help

If it’s too hard to answer what you like doing (I get it, with burnout or demotivation it’s even harder) then focus on the type of person/company:

• Who are you excited to help? Why?

• Who are they? What are their needs, challenges, wants?

• How are you uniquely positioned to help them?

• Are you more excited about one type of person, then the other?

If you’re building your own business knowing who you want to serve will help you brainstorm offerings, services, products and ideas.

• If you’re passionate about helping single moms → what coaching or service can you offer?

• If you like helping small businesses → do they need marketing, tech or coaching only you can provide?

If you’re looking for work, knowing who will help you focus on the type of customer companies are focused on and build domain expertise in that area.

• If you’re passionate about helping leaders build healthier teams → focus on enterprise coaching, HR, development companies

• If you want to keep kids safe online → Meta, YouTube, TikTok all have huge Trust & Safety teams

• What about seniors? → platforms like Honor that provide care to seniors, and many others

• People designing their homes? → Wayfair, AI shopping and interior design apps

(3) Brainstorm your unique talents, skills and experiences

Find your passion by examining your past. What you liked doing, or didn’t in the past and the thing you’re now good at.

It’s easy to do amazing things and then forget or feel like what you’re achieved isn’t that great because there’s always more, better, bigger. This doesn’t discredit you though. So make sure to reflect on your journey.

• What have I accomplished that I can help other people accomplish?

  • What do you wish you had?

  • What would the younger version of you want to know?

• What ideas are you are uniquely positioned to build?

  • What knowledge do I have that others can benefit from?

  • In which areas and industries do I have experience?

  • What are my talents and skills?

• What does the market and people need right now that you’re excited about?

• What am I curious to learn more about and become an expert in?

(4) Match what the world needs with what you love

This is where a little research is required into trends, where the world is headed and opportunities.

• What do you love?

• How can that match the jobs/skills in demand now or in the next 5 - 10 years?

Have more questions, just comment below or email me and I’ll help :)

For a long time, I thought I was the only one who felt that way.

It happened after I lost my job.

Everything that used to motivate me…didn’t.

My identity din’t want to be attached to anything in it’s past.

Not “Founder” or “Entrepreneur” or “Product Manager”.

Now I know, there’s so many of us feeling like this now:

• After a job loss

• When the chase for titles or money stops feeling rewarding

• When your career no longer excites you

• Or after leaving a toxic environment

At this point, most people feel:

• Numb

• Empty

• Demotivated

• Confused

And they wonder: Am I okay?

The answer is yes. You are okay.

You’re just “losing yourself to find yourself”

• Jung calls this the death of the old ego

• Neuroscientists might say the brain is releasing an outdated self-concept

• Nietzsche and Kierkegaard call this an existential collapse, where one faces nothingness “Who am I really?” Is the most important part of the growth process.

To know who you are requires:

• Stillness

• Space

• Time

• No noise and expectations

• Genuine curiosity

• Mindset of exploration

But most of us have never been taught how to listen to ourselves.

We’ve been taught to listen to:

• Parents

• Schools

• Jobs

• Partners

We learn to help others from a place of obligation vs. excitement.

We people-please for recognition.

We do what is expected of us, not what fulfills us.

And one day, we wake up wondering why nothing feels like us anymore.

Part of the Discover Your Purpose: Reinvent Your Career, I help people look into this.

• To find the root cause.

• To reconnect with what truly energizes.

• To understand their “essence” - that self in them that doesn’t change, even if their career, role, title, motivation.

• To understand their joy, happiness and make more of it.

It’s Not Your Fault: We’re Facing a Meaning Crisis

This questioning is common for most people to experience at least one time in their life. On top of that, the world today highlights the need to do this reflective work even more.

1. The world of work is rapidly changing.

   Layoffs, changing job descriptions, new skills, AI, and outsourcing.

2. Everything we were told to do, is no longer working.

   Go to school > get a job > work your way up. There’s no playbook anymore. Jobs that never existed, now exist. Technology has changed everything many times from the internet, to mobile phones to AI and the pace will continue.

3. People are burned out, unclear, and demotivated. We’re a sponge to our environment.

   So much change, movement, noise, information, and distraction, yet no clear direction or safety.

Yet, it’s more important then ever to come home to yourself, and understand who you are and what you want. Because the only guidance you can trust is your own.

And listening to yourself is the way to get through any setback.

You Pick Up Identity Attachments That Cloud The Real You.

Many of us, especially children of immigrants, are conditioned to equate success with stability, status, and “real” professions.

The “I’m bad if I don’t succeed” narrative starts early from school and parents.

• These external definitions of worth can shape our inner voice and lead us to attach our identity to job titles, achievements, brands or expectations.

• We become our job title or company, and forget who we really are losing our authenticity and inner compass in the process.

• Roles, status, accomplishments, and stories create the ego, a temporary mask.

Jung: Success Without Meaning Eventually Collapses.

Meaning, even in small things, is what sustains us.

• Early in life, we often build a persona: success, titles, achievements.

• Jung warned that over-identifying with this outer mask leads to emptiness.

• In midlife, the ego’s collapse often pushes us to seek deeper meaning.

• Purpose emerges when we turn inward, aligning with the Self rather than societal definitions of success.

Eckhart Tolle: When Identity Is Tied to Achievements, Ego-Loss Becomes Inevitable.

The ego:

• Seeks identity through roles, labels, and achievements.

• Tends to equates having with Being: I have, therefore I am.

• Makes you think, you are your mind. You’re not.

• Is the false self → the need for external validation (titles, achievements) clouds authentic self.

• The truth of who you are is “I am” not “I am this or I am that”

When ego loosens it’s grip:

• You give up defining yourself to yourself and to others.

• Presence, intuition and authentic joy guide your choices.

• Purpose is found in this presence, not in clinging to past identities or future anxieties.

So what to do now…

Step 1: Giving Yourself Permission to Explore

Without ego, decisions aren’t about prestige, money, or proving worth. Decisions become guided by inner values, curiosity, and intuition which often leads to more fulfilling career moves through exploration.

You will have a lot of thoughts as you let go of certain identities, embrace the uncertain, in-between state and ask yourself who you are and what’s next.

I’m a big believer in reframing your thinking, and building the habit of noticing how you think, write, speak to others about your current journey.

Instead of saying “I’m lost, empty, don’t know who I am”

• Say “I love who I am becoming.”

• Say “I am learning, discovering, and reconnecting with my truth.”

• Say “I give myself permission and time to explore.”

Affirmations are amazing at building new beliefs.

Step 2: Losing Yourself (and Why That’s Okay)

Identity loss, spiritual awakenings, and feeling empty are not breakdowns.

The pain is a signal that you are holding onto an identity that you’ve outgrown or that isn’t yours.

Loosen attachment to titles. Many people feel trapped because they’ve over-identified with a role (“I am a PM / designer / lawyer”).

Letting go of ego’s attachment to titles creates space to imagine new possibilities without fear of “losing yourself.”

True clarity comes when we remove those attachments and in the emptiness ask:

Step 3: Remembering Your Essence

This questioning helps us understand our unique design and essence that we carry no matter what we do.

As you dissolve your ego and allow your authentic self to emerge, success isn’t just another accomplishment but living as your authentic self.

In the process, we overcome the fear of detaching from ego-driven identities, and let go of the judgment and feeling of failure that comes with not obtaining societal labels and roles.

Reflect on who you truly are. Not the person that you try to be to make others happy.

• Who am I without my roles, titles, or labels?

• What are your gifts, talents and passions?

• What words describe you best?

• How would your family or friends describe you?

• What truly brings you joy?

• Who are you when you feel most expansive and radient?

• How do you introduce myself to others?

Step 4: Find Your Answers Through Presence

It’s important to move from fear to presence. Being still, mindful, and in the present moment to watch what is happening in your heart, body and mind is the only way to move through fear.

• Ego worries: “What if I fail? What will people think?”

• When you are present you ask: “What feels right, right now?”

• This reduces anxiety about the future and helps people make grounded choices.

Step 5: Return to Joy

The loss of joy in our society:

• Modern life is so fast-paced and distracting that some of us have lost the capacity to feel joy, ecstasy, or bliss.

• Often we feel motivated by obligation, financial success or status.

• We can miss the message and direction because we are distracted by these outer motivations.

• We might be motivated to do what we think we are supposed to do, and as a result, we are not following the intuition or heart, or that which is guided by Joy.

If you don’t know who you are, or your purpose: start small.

Start with your understanding what brings you joy.

This is your moment to ask:

• “What do I truly want?”

• “What lights me up?”

• “How can I put myself first?”

• “What do I love?”

• “How can I be of service rooted from love, not from obligation, people-pleasing or pressure?”

Practice #1

• Ask: What can you try this week/month that can add more joy into your life?

• Commit to ONE thing.

Practice #2

• Notice when you feel bliss, joy, or awe (petting your dog, yoga at the studio, your walk to a coffee shop).

• When sadness or heaviness comes up, remember those joyful moments and sensations. You can train your brain to feel happy by repeating those small actions or things you did when you were happy. For example, play the same song, drink your favorite tea that you had on a blissful day/moment.

I already spent 4 years in Los Angeles, after my time in San Francisco. I knew in my heart, I was done growing there, but I didn’t know exactly where else to go. So my friend basically say “anywhere but Los Angeles, you already gave it a try”.

The indecision, back-and-forth, and lack of commitment was killing me in every area of my life.

I told her, at this point in my life I was equally happy, and sad anywhere I go or live.

So the solution wasn’t to run.

I had to take a hard look at myself at this point, come to terms with my instinct to run when things got tough and ask myself - when did this pattern develop?

When I first moved to the US, I was a pretty decisive, and determined person. I fell in love with California when I was 20 years old, and it took me 7 years to finally make my dream of moving from Canada happen.

I slept on people couches to interview for tech jobs in San Francisco, studied for 6 months straight to get into Meta, and rejected every other opportunity that stood in my way, including taking a job offer in New York, or settling down with a partner in Toronto.

I knew what I wanted, and with blinders on I went for it.

Somewhere along the way, after COVID started I lost this decisiveness, and commitment to my dreams.

From the outside I still had a home, partner, job and was exploring new interests and career paths. But on the inside, I was going back and forth between decisions, second guessing myself, doubting and not fully going all into anything.

I wasn’t focused. I would make a decision. Second guess. Pause. Make another decision. Pause. And the cycle went on forever…

Until I sat down, and examined it.

If you notice a similar pattern of:

1. Overthinking

2. Going back and forth between decisions

3. Starting and stopping

4. Constantly thinking something else, somewhere else is better

5. Day dreaming about a different place, partner or job

6. Waiting for something or someone to save you

Read on…because I’ll help you clearly see what’s going on, and fix it once and for all.

Why it’s Difficult to Make Decisions?

The answer is fear.

I was still living in fear.

Fear of making the wrong choice.

Fear of ending up in the same spot I didn’t want to be in again.

During COVID I found myself alone in the US, without much of a support network. I still made the best of it, but didn’t realize the impact that a subsequent relationship, job and home loss would have on me. My stability was threatened in every area of my life, and I was incredibly burnout.

Fear kept me trapped.

It told me “no it’s safer to just stay and not act”

So I’d try to act. And then the escapist in me would stop.

💡Step 1: Ask yourself why it’s difficult for you make decision, and how fear plays into this.

The Pattern of Starting, Stopping and Running Away

Often, fear of failure can look like this:

• You start something

• Just get comfortable

• Drop it and run away

• Just to start something else

• And repeat the cycle

Maybe you start a business project, get a few sales, finally get a hang of it and say

“Nah this will never work out...”

• You get your first few rejections and you stop. In reality, most successful companies post everyday on Instagram, or send thousands of emails before reaching their goals.

• You apply to a Google one time, get rejected, and never apply again. In reality, most people have to apply 3 times before they get in.

In trauma psychology and neuroscience, this pattern maps to a learned shutdown response, your nervous system’s way of conserving energy when fight or flight no longer feels effective. Over time, the brain links action with threat, so inaction starts to feel like safety.

When we’ve been hurt or disappointed enough times, the nervous system learns to swing between activation and shutdown, bursts of inspired energy followed by collapse.

As Polyvagal Theory explains, we move between the sympathetic surge of “I’m going to change my life” and the dorsal withdrawal of “it’s safer not to try.”

This start–stop is the body’s way of protecting us, retreating into fantasy or distraction whenever taking action starts to feel dangerous.

💡Step 2: Notice the pattern of starting, stopping or running away in different areas of your life.

It will become clear how you’re traumatizing yourself over and over again.

That this pattern puts you in a constant state of secondary grief.

When I would run away, I would mourn the thing I started, the decision I made as if it didn’t work out already, the identity and the daily routine attached to it.

But in reality I didn’t even give it enough time to manifest.

I didn’t commit. I didn’t try my best. I didn’t put in the same amount of effort that is required to achieve dreams like moving to the US, or getting a job at a Facebook.

Is Your Day Dream an Escape?

Sometimes we drift into a daydream: a different life, city, or version of ourselves.

It feels peaceful, exciting, and far from whatever is uncomfortable right now.

For my coaching clients this is usually the same dream, repeated over and over again. That also reminds them aren’t good enough, or haven’t accomplished their dream yet.

It’s often the image of sipping cocktails on a beach, working from a lap top in Portugal, living in a different city with more opportunities.

Another version of this: people look into their past and say “If only…”

If only I studied something different, if I had parents that could give me money for a house downpayment, I was born in a different place, had a different childhood.

From a transpersonal psychology perspective, daydreams can be help us imagine new possibilities and step into them, or they can be barriers and forms of avoidance distracting us from the current moment.

Neuroscience and positive psychology echo this: our brains seek dopamine from fantasy and novelty. Daydreams light up reward centers, offering quick relief from stress. So we need to move towards long-term fulfillment by building a habit of consistency.

For years, I mistook these daydreams for “purpose.”

I thought, this is the vision I need to pursue.

But not every daydream is our vision, or purpose.

Some are escapes: distractions that keep us from being present and building something where we are, even if times get tough.

Here’s how I tell the difference between fantasy and true purpose:

Your dream becomes real when you take action toward it.

Your escape remains fantasy when you keep thinking about it, but take no action to see if you actually want to live it out.

When I dreamed of San Francisco:

• I visited, made connections, built a plan.

• It wasn’t just an idea, I took steps to see if my vision is truly something I want to make come true.

• It made sense both in my heart and mind: nature, tech, community, weather.

• Every time I went, I felt alive.

When I fantasized about moving to Portugal, it was different:

• No plan. No visits.

• No answer to “How will I support myself?”

💡Step 3: Notice the dreams you are actually taking steps to make a reality, and the fantasies that make you feel good in the moment, but distract you from the present.

If you recognize yourself in that pattern, you might be meeting a part of you I call The Escapist.

Who is The Escapist in You?

🌑 Meeting the Escapist

In Internal Family Systems (IFS) and shadow work, The Escapist can be seen as a part of you and not as something to get rid of, but someone inside you to get to know.

It took that conversation with a friend, for me to stop and see The Escapist in me and ask:

• When does The Escapist show up?

• What is it trying to show me?

• What is it trying to protect me from?

After hundreds of conversations with clients (and with myself), I’ve seen The Escapist take many forms:

• Waiting to be saved. Fantasizing that a mentor, a man, friend, family member or partner will step in, decide the right path for you and fix everything so you don’t have to take action.

  • This can lead to a pattern where you give away your power in relationships, only to abandon yourself.

• Deferring responsibility. Hoping someone else will run a part of your business, like marketing or finances, instead of learning, asking for help, or taking small imperfect steps.

• Outsourcing intuition. Habitually asking friends for advice, or seeking endless validation before acting.

• Over-spiritualizing. Waiting for “a sign from the Universe,” another tarot card, or psychic reading instead of trusting yourself.

• Perpetual planning. Talking, researching, vision boarding… but never actually doing anything.

• Self-sabotaging. Quitting the moment it gets hard, then saying, “See? I knew it wouldn’t work.”

• Blame and projection. Fixating on what others did wrong, to cause you to be in a specific situation, instead of owning your part and taking responsibility for your life.

• Avoidance through numbing. Scrolling, oversleeping, skipping routines, checking out of your own life.

The Root Cause: When Did the Trauma Happen?

If you recognize this pattern, it’s important to go back to its origin story, the moment your Escapist first appeared.

Close your eyes and rewind to the time in your life:

• When you stopped trusting yourself.

• When uncertainty started triggering fear instead of curiosity.

• When rejections, failures, or other negative experiences started to stack up.

• When you started to feel numb, frozen, or stop after you try to act.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS), this is when the Escapist part forms, a protector that steps in to keep you safe from disappointment. It says, “If I don’t risk, I can’t fail.”

Another Pattern: Grass is Greener

We have so many options in front of us for people to date, cities to live in, places to work here in the US.

Social media makes us think why can’t we be 10 people in one person, and live 5 different lives at the same time.

So sometimes we forget that each dream requires dedication, consistency and work.

• It’s easy to feel down and wonder “Why don’t I have that?” Instead of putting in the action to get to your goal.

• It’s also easy to not appreciate what we have, because we always see “better” options.

To stay balanced, I’ve learned to let myself explore the “grass is greener” fantasies in small, intentional doses.

• Sometimes that looks like taking a few months between jobs to travel and see what a more nomadic lifestyle actually feels like.

• Other times, it means experimenting working fully remote for one role, then returning to an in-office environment in San Francisco to feel the contrast firsthand.

• Taking a few courses from a Traditional Chinese Masters, and then also a coaching program to see if I’d rather do acupuncture and herbal medicine, or lean towards psychology before committing to a degree.

• Taking an AI course, and vibe coding an AI prototype to see if I want to make the commitment of switching into an AI-focused product role.

I also remind myself that the meaning of life is to feel and experience. It’s ok to try one thing, and then try another as long as there is decisiveness, commitment and enough time given to each experience, or it’s treated as an experiment to collect more data about the direction you want to go.

My Step-by Step Plan to Get Through This:

(1) Write Out the Worst Case Scenarios & Retrain Your Brain

Step 1: Write Out

The worst possible outcomes of every decision you’re contemplating whether it’s moving to a new city, changing your career path, or committing to a relationship or business.

• When I did this, I realized these fears became subconscious thoughts I would live with everyday. Every time I would start something, my brain would say “Oh no...this won’t work...” and I would freeze or run.

• When you imagine the worst, you bring unconscious fears into the light and allow yourself to examine them, so they stop quietly running in the background.

Step 2: Ask Yourself

• What can I do now to mitigate each fear?

• What is the reverse scenario?

• What if everything goes well?

You’re retraining your mind to focus on the best outcome, and steps you can take to get there instead of the fear.

(2) Meet the Part of You That’s Running Away

Ask yourself, or journal:

“Which parts of me are scared to choose right now?”

“What are they afraid might happen if I did?”

“What are they running away from?”

Write down what each says.

You’ll probably find:

• The perfectionist that wants to make the “right” choice to prevent failure and pain you experienced in the past.

• The protector that fears you will fail again.

• The escapist that chooses to run away, instead of staying because it’s easier, and again prevents you from getting hurt

All of these parts have the same goal: to protect you from the worst case scenario, to make sure you don’t end up in the same spot at the past. They remember how hurt you felt when things in your life didn’t work out and don’t want you to be in that spot again.

(3) Sit With Your Past

Instead of ignoring, running away, telling yourself “you’ll deal with it later” take the time to be present and face the part of you that is running away, and keeping you stuck.

Trace back where this pattern of running began.

For this you need to carve out the space to be with the past, the emotions and your thoughts. That means no distractions, phones, people, work.

You can’t face the past and let it go by thinking about it for an hour. Really carve out a weekend, in a safe space to be with yourself. Create a gentle atmosphere, eat good food, get enough sleep, make sure to take care of yourself and then really face yourself. Which to most of us, is the scariest thing we can do.

Ask yourself and journal:

• What was that moment that you had to “run away” or leave a situation?

• Or a moment where you were forced to leave, and your stability was threatened like loss of job?

• Is this a recent pattern, or can you go back to memories in your childhood where this pattern began?

• What was I protecting myself from when I left?

• What emotions did I never fully express because I had to go back into survival mode?

Write about these past memories until you have nothing left to write.

Sit with the memories by closing your eyes, placing your hand on your heart:

• Notice if there’s any specific parts of your body that feels tight, or hurts while you process the past.

• Allow yourself to cry and release the emotions in anyway you want.

• Shake, walk, move after you are done to release anything left.

Keep repeating this exercise every day for a week or as many days as you can.

(4) Release The Past Through a Ritual

If you want me to guide you through a powerful visualization, energy healing and meditation session to help you cut-cords with the past and let it go, please book here.

Write a letter about the experience when the trauma triggered your escapism (or use the writing you have from above).

When you’re done bury, burn, or flush the pieces of paper, or do all three.

(5) Choose to Stay Even if it’s Uncomfortable

Let me be clear I am talking about staying through discomfort, not abuse or trauma.

When the impulse to run arises, practice staying present with the sensation: the restlessness, the fear, the doubt.

Remind yourself, “I can feel this and still be safe to act.”

Stay in one place long enough to rebuild safety in stillness:

• Stay in a new city long enough to form genuine connections.

• Stay in a project or idea long enough to see what happens after a few rejections.

Resilience is exactly this, staying through the waves of life and proving to yourself that you can rely on YOU and get through anything. That you don’t need an external force to “save you”.

(6) Choose Movement, Instead of Over Thinking

Next time you want to spend more time thinking through something, planning or researching choose to act.

For example: take small actions forward in your business. Grow that to 2 hours a day. Then to 4 fully focused hours a day. With consistency you’ll be surprised at how much things stack up over time.

If it’s easier to sit in anxiety, fear, doubt choose to act in a positive way:

• Do something to care for your health

• Go to an event to meet new people

• Write that newsletter for your business

• Contact a few more people for job referrals

This is another mental habit to build.

It’s the most difficult to break.

Next time you over think, get up, move, do something productive towards your dreams instead.

(7) Experiment and Then Decide

Take the pressure off “the right choice.”

Try micro-experiments:

• Spend one week working from a different city or co-working space.

• Try one day structured around the career rhythm you imagine wanting.

• Shadow someone in a field you’re curious about.

(8) Work With EMDR of Trauma-Informed Therapy

If the running pattern comes from deeper trauma, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help release the emotional charge from past experiences.

It reprograms the nervous system’s response so that you can remember without reliving.

Combined with somatic and reflective practices, EMDR helps integrate the past instead of being chased by it.

Watch the Zoom replay above, or through the link below.

👉 HERE’S THE ZOOM REPLAY

Message me if you have any questions. :)

What’s Covered in the Workshop?

I couldn't accept feeling stuck, burned out, or demotivated, knowing we spend 50+ hours a week at work.

That's most of our lives.

So, I made a promise…

To create a career that felt purposeful and adaptable to changes in the world.

Following my curiosity and joy led me into Product Management, VR and AI, launching a non-profit, and now to innovate in health and education.

Four years and 150+ coaching sessions later...

I created a framework to help you reconnect with yourself, find your why, and build your career around curiosity, meaning and joy.

You’ll learn:
Let go of the roles, identities, and beliefs that no longer serve you

• Reconnect with your authentic self—and trust that the answers are already within

• Learn to listen to your heart, follow your yes, and reclaim your joy

• Explore the purpose crisis—why so many of us feel stuck, and how to find your path

• Reflect on your past, present, and future through guided exercises

• Assess your strengths, values, and skills (plus a mini 360 feedback process)

• Discover what your personality reveals about the work you’re meant to do

• Clarify your purpose by aligning what you love, what you’re great at, and what the world needs

• Identify the gap between where you are and where you want to be so you can make a plan to get from here to there

Want to join the next workshop?

Just reply to this email and say hey.

Or browse the calendar for upcoming sessions.

Now, I create the same structured plans for my career, life, and health.

Last week I shared a workshop with the exact framework I used to recover from burnout, depression, anxiety, and the collapse of everything in my life.

If you’re feeling the same, and you’re called to make the change…

I’m here for you!

Watch the Zoom replay above, or through the link below. Message me if you have any questions. :)

👉 HERE’S THE ZOOM REPLAY

Want to join the next one?

Just reply to this email and say hey.

Or browse the calendar for upcoming sessions.

What’s Covered in the Workshop?

The Story

A few years ago, I found myself without a job, without a home or a relationship, alone in the US. This experience triggered so much. I felt ungrounded, fearful, anxious, and deeply sad. My digestive system shut down (nausea, appetite loss, and fatigue). Tons of health issues started showing up.

This story of ups and downs goes a long way back. Growing up as an immigrant, with 7 people living in an apartment to make ends meet, I didn’t learn English until I was 11 and didn’t come to the US until my late 20s.

Raised by my grandparents, I’ve been financially independent since I was 18. Dedication, hard work, and self-sacrifice were the only ways I knew how to work.

Until this approach stopped working for me during COVID, amidst economic ups and downs and layoffs.

I was forced, by life, to look inwards. To ask myself if I was happy or empty. To see where my energy and desire to work came from.

That’s when I realized what my first manager at Meta used to tell me:
It’s now what you do. It’s how you do it.”

I started exploring ways we can all live and work with balance, harmony, and joy. This took me on a very long, winding road of self-discovery and healing.

Today, the way I work and create is COMPLETELY different.

• How I treat myself.

• How I talk to myself.

• My outlook on life.

I became a new person from the inside out. And things started to get easier.

What You’ll Learn

We’ll walk through a full system for healing from burnout and designing what comes after.

(1) Where does burnout come from?

The root patterns: Toxic Productivity and Scarcity Mindset.

• The environments that normalize overextension and toxic productivity.

• That belief that you have to earn your worth through effort.

• The habits we bring with us from childhood.

• That inner voice that says, “Keep going. Don’t rest. You’ll fall behind.”

• That trauma pattern of working like you’ll be abandoned if you don’t overdeliver.

We’ll ask ourselves:

• How is my environment influencing me?

• What do I know now that I didn’t five years ago?

• Am I building a life that matches the new person I’m becoming?

(2) How does burnout show up at work?

• We work in systems that reward overextension and self-neglect—where performance matters more than presence.

• Constantly managing others’ energy, emotions, and asks without clear boundaries leads to nervous system erosion, especially if you are on a stressful or toxic team.

• Toxic productivity and scarcity mindsets keep us in “burnout state,” even when we’re doing “well.”

• We’re praised for being endlessly available and doing more with self-sacrifice.

• Feeling productive but never creative. Getting stuck in productivity, so we forget how “flow” feels like.

Next, we’ll look into:

• How to tell when you’re in flow versus burnout and toxic productivity.

• How to shift into that expanded, creative flow state every day.

• What it takes to return to a place where work feels good again.

• And how to bring that energy into your calendar, your workspace, and your routines.

We’ll ask ourselves:

• When do I feel most magnetic and expanded—without needing to prove anything?

• Who do I admire who leads with calm?

(3) How we show up even when burnout matters

• It’s not just what you do—it’s how you show up.

• Small things—your tone, your posture, if you’re feeling grounded or all over the place, ripple outward.

• The soft and balanced power: when you show up radiant and regulated, others feel it.

• Once you heal your internal state and take the time you need to make sure your cup is full, you’ll be able to affect the people you work with, live with or lead. This gives you more control than you originally thought on your environment.

Research supports this:

1. Mirror neurons and emotional contagion shape how people feel in the workplace, cooperate and make decisions. If a leader is calm, grounded, others will mirror that. If someone is anxious or reactive, others will feel that energy. (Barsade, 2002; Rizzolatti & Craighero, 2004)

2. The HeartMath Institute showed that the human heart emits an electromagnetic field (invisible energy) measurable and felt several feet from the body. When you feel calm, grateful, or peaceful, your heart beats in a smooth, steady rhythm. Other people around you can feel that rhythm too, without even knowing it, and their hearts can match yours. (McCraty et al., 2006, HeartMath)

3. Amy Cuddy’s research on “power poses” showed that body language influences both how we feel and how others see us. Contracted postures (hunched, closed off) increase cortisol and diminish perceived authority. If you are grieving, burnout and demotivated you are sending this signal to your team. (Cuddy et al., 2012, Harvard Business School)

See you at the next workshop! I’ll go over how to create a healing plan for burnout, the modalities to use and a few frameworks to go by.

Because I learned the hard way that stability is an illusion, especially in this climate. I’ve been let go many times in my 12+ years in tech.

I used this framework to land roles at Shopify, Meta, BetterUp and to pivot into VR.

Last night, I shared it in a live workshop with my community.

Here’s the Zoom replay if you missed it.

ZOOM VIDEO RECORDING HERE

If you want to join the next one just reply to this email and say hey.

Calendar here with future events

What’s Covered in the Workshop?

Networking

1. Figuring out what you want, what makes you stand out, and how to position yourself for the right roles.

2. Creating two lists and the two different approaches—dream companies vs. stepping stone companies.

3. Fractional work as a bridge. Especially if you’ve been laid off.

4. Networking on LinkedIn: The exact words I use on LinkedIn (and the mistakes I see over and over).

5. Referrals: Dos & Don’ts

6. Another secret way to maximize and 10x your effort so you apply with QUALITY and QUANTITY

7. Build a portfolio that stands out

Interviewing

1. Why confidence sets you apart, and how to speak more confidently about your experiences

2. Daily meditations and visualizations before your interview

3. The perfect pitch and bio: why it matters

4. Using ChatGPT in your writing, crafting, and interviewing process

5. Mistakes I see people make during interviews as someone that interviewed and hired for 10 years.

6. How to uplevel and set the scene: a common thing people get wrong

Follow-up

1. How to follow up after interviews

2. Standing out: my exact case study approach and template with ChatGPT prompts

Mental Resilience

1. How our expectations and reality play into our mental health

2. Why feeling “bad” doesn’t mean you are—and how I reframe and regulate when things spiral.

3. Cognitive reframing and what to do with your negative, self-sabotaging thoughts

4. Working with your emotions and the Scale of Consciousness by David R. Hawkins

Enjoy!!

ZOOM VIDEO RECORDING HERE

Ever think, “Am I bad?”

That’s exactly what someone asked me on a call after sharing their work situation.

Right after, I went for a walk on the beach

And saw a young boy scrape his knee.

He was hurt. He got back up.

He left his identity out of it.

Imagine if this child remembered every bruise forever. And every fall compounded to make him think he’s the villain.

What would you say to this child?

“That wasn’t your fault.”

Yet, this is what some of us do…

When we experience hurt as adults, we start to interpret external situations as reflections of our personal flaws.

For instance, if a partner criticizes our efforts around the house or a manager gives blunt, aggressive feedback lacking empathy or supportive guidance…

We usually jump into questioning and blaming ourselves.

We start to think…

👎 Didn’t get the job? I’m bad.

😞 Didn’t hit the goal? I’m flawed.

🚫 Failed at something? I’m not enough.

👎 Relationship ended? I’m a bad person.

This narrative starts early.

From school. From parents.

❌ Bad grade = bad kid.

❌ No trophy = not valuable.

❌ No promotion = not enough

And over time, this thinking becomes automatic.

Enough bad events. We feel defeated.

And start to think, “I am a bad person; I must be the problem.”

So I am here to tell you:

1️⃣ External events and failures don’t define your worth, identity, or soul.

2️⃣ Emotional wounds and failures over time don’t have to compound into self-hate.

3️⃣ When this happens, shift your perspective from blame, “Am I bad?” to growth, “What can I learn?”

My Framework

After going through many different challenges and setbacks, I shared this little method on my call and also saw it in metaphorical action when I saw that boy on the beach.

1. First, remember:

• It’s just life.

• Bad things have always happened.

• Things will continue to happen.

• They have nothing to do with your character or being.

2. Next, make the distinction:

• Experience = events happening

• Identity = who we are

• Experiences ≠ identity

• Experience ≠ soul

3. Remember who you are:

If this experience isn’t your identity, ask…

→ Who am I beyond this experience?

→ How do I act with friends? What do I value?

→ What are the parts of me that are unchanged?

4. Lastly, ask:

→ How did I turn this around last time?

→ How can I prepare better next time?

→ What can I learn?

→ Can I even make this fun?

5. And very lastly:

Remember you only have two choices in life:

1. To continue being miserable because you think “I am bad” in every situation that happens to you.

2. Or find your strength and perspective on how life works, that struggle is part of the experience and even joy of learning. And learn to ride the waves.

If you choose two as the path forward:

Don’t numb or bully yourself into denying the hurt you are actually experiencing underneath. Feel the unfairness of the situation and life — liberating yourself with the thought that you are not the cause! Not always.

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After observing this in life, I did some research:

1️⃣ Stoicism:

When things don't go our way, it's easy to slip into imagining worst-case scenarios, labeling ourselves as fundamentally flawed.

Stoicism teaches us that it's rarely the events themselves causing suffering, but rather our interpretation of those events.

"We suffer more often in imagination than in reality." – Seneca

"It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." – Epictetus

“You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” - Marcus Aurelius

Our imagination in this case makes us believe we are a bad person after a few bad events where life just doesn’t work out the way we expect. Or someone acts towards us in ways we can’t control.

2️⃣ Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

In therapy, the idea of labeling ourselves as inherently bad due to failures or criticism is called a distorted thought pattern. It typically looks like this:

“I failed; therefore, I am bad.”

The solution here is to teach ourselves to reframe those thoughts.
CBT teaches us to interrupt this automatic negative thinking and replace it with affirmations that are more realistic and true to the situation.

“I am learning and growing.”

With practice, just like going to the gym, your mind starts to replace these thoughts automatically. At first, it will feel difficult and even annoying—just like going to exercise every day. But eventually, it will become second nature.

3️⃣ Growth Mindset

The growth mindset, popularized by psychologist Carol Dweck, is similar to CBT. I am sure all of you reading this have heard of this research.

It encourages us to view challenges, or any bad situations, as opportunities to develop resilience and new skills. Not as evidence that we are “fixed” and can’t change.

Adopting a growth mindset means embracing each situation with curiosity instead of letting setbacks define us.

"What can I learn from this?"

4️⃣ Internal Family Systems (IFS)

"You are not your thoughts; you are the observer of your thoughts."

IFS therapy teaches you to see the “inner critic” as just a part of you. A voice that is trying to protect you and that doesn’t define your true self. It’s the protective part shaped by past experiences, often from childhood. Which goes back to what I said earlier and how we get wired to think we’re bad since we’re very young.

The solution:

1. Acknowledge that this “I am bad” thinking is just a voice within you and not YOU.

2. Talk to this “part” or voice with understanding and compassion, honoring that it’s trying to protect you.

5️⃣ Hindu Philosophy

Vedanta philosophy teaches the distinction between transient experiences (body, mind, emotions) and our deeper, unchanging true self (Atman):

“You are not the body, nor the mind, nor the emotions. You are pure consciousness, witnessing everything.”

Recognizing our inherent value beyond temporary setbacks provides profound relief from self-criticism.

6️⃣ Kundalini Yoga

Here’s some of what I remember from my yoga teacher training that applies to this:

In Kundalini Yoga, you’re not trying to become someone else. You’re learning to return to who you’ve always been — underneath the stories. The breath, the movement, the mantras—they’re tools to clear the noise that says “I’m not enough” or “I’m bad.”

The mantra Sat Nam means: “Truth is my identity.”

Not your job title. Not the promotion you didn’t get. Not the mistake you made.

Kundalini teaches that energy moves like waves, just like the bad events, and when we train the nervous system (through breath and sound), we ride those waves with less identification and blame.

The waves of life aren’t your fault.

Your job isn’t to avoid them.

But to be with them.

So maybe next time…

→ You swim better.

→ You bring a life raft.

→ You show up with a surfboard.

Either way, you don’t continue drowning by sitting in the “I’m bad”

You come back to shore.

Refreshed.

And more ready.

Instead of blaming yourself more.

You turn the narrative into—wow, I went through that, and I’m so much better now.

A few years ago, I could commit to everything—except the one thing that mattered most: myself.

I said yes to too many projects, too many places, too many dreams. I had the discipline. The focus. The drive. But not the grounded clarity of what I was actually building toward or what I wanted. I was running my life like a busy boardroom—with no real CEO in charge.

After burnout, ADHD spirals, and moving countries too many times to count—I realized: the first thing I needed to commit to wasn’t my work, my next location, or my next creative project.

It was me.

This post is about movement, when you want to be your own CEO.

But you don’t know where to start.

And don’t know where to lead yourself.

Because you spent years letting others lead you, and make decisions for you.

In short — you’re uncertain. But you still have to guide yourself.

So it’s not about getting everything perfect—but to practice the quiet, powerful art of choosing.

Choosing yourself. Choosing what matters.

Choosing again, and again.

1. Start With Commitment to Self

And if you are still unsure, just start with committing to yourself!

What is within your control?

How can you commit to yourself?

Commit to making your bed in the morning.

Commit to exercising

Commit to learning ONE thing

Commit to YOURSELF

Your health

Your vision for life and career → even if its fuzzy

2. Commit to What Actually Matters

So often we feel ungrounded, scattered, or disconnected—not because we’re incapable, but because we haven’t clearly anchored into what truly matters to us.

This is where you choose to commit to the right things — that get you from right now to where you want to go.

Because you know exactly what the gap is between the life you live and the life you want to live.

Try This:

1. Step 1: Write down…

   • What are the 5 things you value most in life right now?

   • Example:

     • Health

     • Financial stability

     • Relationships

     • Purposeful work

     • Creative expression

   • Your list might be different. What matters is that it’s honest.

2. Step 2: Now, visualize your ideal life in each of these categories. Write it down. This is your compass.

   • How would you feel?

   • What would life look like?

   • What would a typical day look like if it was fully aligned with these values?

3. Step 3: Next, look at the gap

   • Where are you now in each area?

   • Where are you misaligned, overextended, or not showing up the way you want to?

3. Turn Your Vision Into a Grounded “Commitment“ Plan for the Year

This is where your real commitment work begins.

Try this:

1. Step 1: On a fresh page, write:

   • “This year, I commit to…”

2. Step 2: Under each category you outlined in the step above write one clear commitment.

   • You can write up to 5 goals for each category for this year.

   • Then use the ideas below to cut down that list through out the year.

Example:

1. Health

   • “I commit to walking 30 minutes a day to support my health.”

2. Financial Stability

   • “I commit to saving $5,000 to create more financial peace.”

3. Purpose

   • “I commit to launching one aligned offering in my coaching business.”

   • “I commit to journaling or creating art once a week to express what I feel.”

Keep your vision where you can see it.

Tape it to the wall.

Make it your phone background.

Read it on Sundays.

The magic isn’t just in setting goals.

It’s in staying committed to them.

4. Recommit to What Actually Matter

Revisit your commitments every 3 months…

Most of us aren’t overwhelmed because we have too little time.

We’re overwhelmed because we’re dragging too many ideas, expectations, and unfinished dreams into the present.

Try this:

1. Look at your goals for the year.

2. Cut them in half.

3. Rewrite them as commitment statements again.

Examples:

• “I am committed to publishing one blog post per week.”

• “I am committed to doing 20 coaching sessions this year.”

Then let the pressure go. And just start.

If you’re still unsure…that’s ok → keeping reading for more tips.

How to Commit When You’re Uncertain or Don’t Trust Your Decisions

Sometimes, the hardest part of commitment isn’t showing up. It’s choosing what to commit to when the path ahead feels murky—like where to live, who to build with, or which idea to pursue. When your confidence is low and you’re swimming in options, it’s easy to freeze.

Here’s how to move forward—when you’re not sure what the right move is.

1. Learn to Sit With Uncertainty

You don’t need total clarity to move forward. Most of life unfolds through the fog. As Buddhist teacher Marc Lesser writes, “The opposite of uncertainty isn’t certainty—it’s confidence.” Uncertainty is not your enemy. It’s a threshold. And the more you learn to sit with it, the more peace you find in not knowing.

2. When You Don’t Know What to Commit to Because There’s too Many Option

Sometimes you’re stuck not because you lack options—

but because you have too many.

Especially when you’ve tried many paths, lived in different places, or lost clarity.

If you’re done the exercise above, but you still can’t choose between different paths, ideas, etc…

Try this:

1. Step 1:

   • Choose the option that feels most grounding, and doable this year. An option most likely to let you experiment, learn and give you feedback on what you should actually focus on.

2. Step 2:

   • Say: “This doesn’t have to be forever. But I commit to this for 1 month or 3 months.”

3. Step 3: Still unsure? Ask:

   • “If I had to make this decision from faith, not fear, what would I choose?”

Example:

I am choose to publish 30 posts on Instagram and LinkedIn, to test my idea of teaching people about sustainability, for free and learn from how people respond. This is also a container to learn a new skill and see if I would enjoy this type of creativity.

Worst case, I find a different way to help the earth. Best case, people learn from my content, I will get inspired and partner with a non-profit to raise funds through my following.

Either way it’s the right step into turning my passion into reality.

3. Go Back to Your Values

In the last posts we explored how to get clear on what your commitments are after you share what your values right now are.

In priority order.

So go back to your list of values. Was health on it? Then what is the most important thing can you commit doing that is related to your health?

Was your business on that list?

What is the number 1 thing that needs to get one next month to unblock the most issues or deliver the most results? You

4. Don’t Weigh 20 Options. Cut to 3.

We live in an age of infinite possibility, which sounds great… until you’re paralyzed.

Psychologists call this analysis paralysis.

Taoism would call it resisting the flow.

Pick 2–3 options and explore them gently.

Let go of the need to find “the best one.”

Focus on what’s good enough—and aligned.

5. Cut the Energetic Clutter

You’re not stuck because you’re lazy. You’re stuck because you’re overloaded.

Try this:

1. Step 1: Brain dump. List every idea, task, commitment, to-do, or dream that’s taking up mental space. Don’t just include goals, but things you’ve been wanting to do around the house, ideas from 10 years ago, presents you want to buy, etc.

2. Step 2: Sort it.

   • A = Urgent + aligned

   • B = Important but not urgent

   • C = Exciting, but not for now

   • D = Dead weight—expired dreams, old obligations, false pressure

Cut your A list in half. Focus on 1–2 things. That’s it.

6. Recommit to One Identity at a Time

Our society → especially social media makes us feel NOT ENOUGH!!!

We usually want to be 10 things at the same time

Because we see 10 different people living 10 exciting lives

And our brain tricks us into thinking we need to be everything

Mother

VP

Founder

Sound Healer or Yoga Teacher

Chef

Try this:

1. Step 1:

   • List all the identities you’re trying to hold.

2. Step 2:

   • Then ask: Which one needs the most love and attention right now?

Focus there. The rest can come in time.

7. Ask for a Mirror, Not Advice

You don’t need someone to tell you what to do—you need someone to reflect who you are. Choose a few grounded people who really see you, and talk it out. Let them remind you of your patterns, your power, and what they’ve seen you thrive in.

Sometimes the wisdom comes through someone else’s eyes.

8. Give Your Decisions a Deadline

Without a boundary, your brain will keep spinning. Create a container. “By Sunday night, I’ll decide.” Let yourself feel it fully, weigh your options, ask for insight. Then decide. The mind needs boundaries to access freedom.

This is also how Ayurveda teaches us to balance Vata energy: structure calms the wind.

9. Try Before You Commit Fully

If a choice feels too big—like moving to a new city or changing careers—try it in micro form. Rent for a month. Take a short course. Test the waters without going all in. This builds both data and confidence.

Confidence grows through experience—not perfection.

10. Redefine What Failure Means

You’re not scared to choose—you’re scared to be wrong. But most decisions are reversible. And even if they aren’t, they’re always teachable. Every step you take gives you more clarity for the next one. Life isn’t a pass/fail test. It’s an unfolding.

As James Clear says: motion builds clarity. Clarity builds confidence.

11. Be Gentle With Yourself

If you’re feeling stuck or indecisive, it doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re human. Offer yourself the same grace you’d give a close friend. Let yourself be new at something. Let the path take shape as you walk it.

The path to commitment isn’t always clear.

But it becomes walkable the moment you take one honest step.

After years of spinning in overcommitment and under-commitment, I’ve realized this:

• Commitment isn’t a personality trait—it’s a skill.

• You build it through micro actions, not grand gestures.

• You don’t need perfect clarity to move forward—just enough courage to choose.

• The more you align your commitments with your values, the less resistance you feel.

• And when you strip away the noise, what really matters reveals itself.

Whether you’re committing to a new chapter, a project, a relationship—or just to making your bed each morning—it starts with one honest step.

And the more you practice showing up with presence, the stronger your self-trust becomes.

Because the truth is:

Your life will be shaped by what you choose to stay with.

Choose wisely.

And then begin.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about movement vs. motion.

Sometimes it feels like I’m doing everything—writing, building, planning—and yet going nowhere.

Other times, the simplest action—walking, eating, doing one thing at a time—gets me further than hours of hustle.

A friend of mine, Akano once told me something that stuck:

“Know the difference between spinning and moving. One stone at a time to cross the river.”

This post is about that.

It’s about commitment—not as a personality trait, but as a practice.

A muscle you build by slowing down, choosing fewer things, and showing up with presence.

Whether you’re trying to rebuild your focus, heal from burnout, or finally get one project off the ground—this post is for you.

1. Know the Difference Between Spinning and Moving

My friend Akano said:

Know the difference between spinning and moving. One stone at a time to cross the river. Simplify. Eat. Drink. Walk. And then the next step.

Step 1: Catch your pattern

Here is where you catch your pattern of over committing or not committing.

1. How does this show up in your life — career, relationships,

2. Are there any similarities in how this shows across different areas of life…

Step 2: Go back to the basics

I firmly believe → how you do one thing, is how you do everything.

So just like my friend said…

If you’re overwhelmed and can’t commit to anything

OR if you are committing to everything and then dropping the ball

Commit to: SLEEP, EAT, WALK

Try it for a week…and just commit to the above and nothing else.

2. Practice Commitment on Micro-Levels

Start small.

You can turn the “commitment plan” you made above into even smaller tasks, and REPEAT THEM DAILY.

Try:

• “I commit to washing my dishes daily”

• “I commit to showing up on time for one appointment”

• “I commit to writing my newsletter this week, even if it’s not perfect”

The key: Follow through. Not perfectly. Just consistently.

2. Practice and Affirm Self-Commitment Daily

When you wake up and you’re brushing your teeth:

“I am committed to making my bed.”

“I am committed to washing my dishes.”

“I am committed to working on my business.”

“I am committed to my partner.”

If you’re doing something you don’t like, take a breath and repeat:

You’re not just doing a chore — you’re training a new way of being.

3. Slow Down to Speed Up

This isn’t just about doing less.

It’s about doing less so you can listen.

When you stop distracting yourself with tasks, ideas, and productivity…

You start to hear what really matters.

At first it may feel uncomfortable. But in the quiet, answers rise.

So train yourself to think:

“The less I have on my plate, on my to do list…the better”

Society taught us to juggle 10 things at the same time. To value toxic productivity above all else.

It’s OK to dream. To have ideas, and be creative. Brainstorm all of your ideas. Write them down. Put them into a beautiful backlog.

Then choose the best one

Commit

And start.

4. How You Show Up Matters (Not Just That You Do)

It’s not just about showing up consistently.

It’s how you show up.

If you sit down to work and your mind is frantic, doubting, negative—you’ll burn out.

Start by grounding. Before your first task, breathe.

Visualize your day going well. Say:

“I am excited to work with ease, joy, and clarity today.”

5. When Lack of Commitment is Actually Perfectionism

Perfectionism doesn’t always look like neatly color-coded planners or obsessively polished work.

Sometimes, it looks like never launching.

Never finishing.

Always pivoting to the next idea before the last one has a chance to grow.

It’s the fear of putting something out there that isn’t ready.

Of being misunderstood, judged, or simply ignored.

So instead, you keep tweaking, keep researching, keep reworking the plan.

You convince yourself you’re being “productive,” but deep down, you’re stuck. You’re just afraid to be seen halfway.

I’ve lived this.

I used to think I had a productivity problem—when in reality, I had a perfectionism problem.

I couldn’t commit to the imperfect version of the idea, so I jumped to the next one.

Over and over again.

• In Internal Family Systems, this is often a protective part—trying to keep you from the pain of rejection or failure.

• And in Cognitive Behavioral Science, it’s a classic cognitive distortion: all-or-nothing thinking.

• As Viktor Frankl reminds us, we don’t need perfect clarity to live with meaning. We need the courage to act, to choose, to commit—not because we know the outcome, but because something in us says: this matters.

Sometimes you are both committing because you either can’t begin or can’t finish. Not because you can’t decide.

And what you really need—is to begin AND to finish.

Build the muscle of DONE

SHIP

LAUNCH

SHOW

SHARE

How Do I Practice Commitment in All Areas of My Life?

1. At Work → Do a Weekly Commitment Scan

• Review your calendar every Sunday

• Ask: “What did I say yes to that I actually want to say no to?”

• Cancel or move 1–2 things. Reclaim your energy.

1. At Work → Commit to One Thing At a Time: Block Time With Intention

Pick a 2-hour block.

Write down TWO THINGS you’ll do in that time.

Ignore everything else.

And “force” yourself to start.

It might take you 15 minutes, maybe even 45 minutes to get into your tasks

But eventually you will.

If you get distracted remember and repeat:

I committed to finishing the draft of our Q3 marketing plan presentation.

2. In Entrepreneurship → Commit to One Project: Start Small

You don’t need to launch your life’s purpose overnight.

Start with one project.

One newsletter a week. One course. One prototype.

One of my friends built a successful 50K newsletter.

It wasn’t his final business vision, but it taught him how to commit.

Now he’s running a venture-backed AI start-up. Nothing to do with his 50K newsletter, that still brought him connections and some brand recognition to launch his venture.

It started with a tiny weekly habit.

The same is true for you.

Tiny “projects” add up.

They open new doors.

They stack.

3. In Relationships: Speak Your Truth With Compassion

Before committing to things:

It’s important to check in with yourself before you say yes to doing something.

If you don’t know simply say:

• “I don’t know right now. Can I get back to you as soon as I know, or closer to the date?”

If you feel overwhelmed and have other things to do, say that too:

• “That sounds like fun. I have a lot going on right now., I’d love to do another thing with you later.”

Boundaries don’t have to be harsh.

They just need to be honest.

You’ll still overcommit sometimes:

The key is to repair with grace.

Try this:

• “I took on too much. I’m sorry—I need to cancel. I’d love to plan something soon.”

• “This week got overwhelming. I would like to hang out when I can show up fully.”

• “Let’s sit down and discuss which one of these projects is a priority. I would like to give the one that’s most important to the business my 100%.”

Commitment isn’t just about productivity.

It’s about self-trust.

It’s the quiet promise you make to yourself when no one is watching.

You don’t have to commit to everything.

You don’t have to do it perfectly.

But you do have to start—and finish.

Because in a world that rewards spinning, you get to choose what really moves you.

One stone at a time.

So everyone was telling me to cut my projects,

to ground, to focus, to get disciplined.

As I kept digging. I realized…

Discipline wasn’t the issue.

My grandfather, raised me to get fully dressed before a match would burn out.

So the work ethic runs deep.

I was deeply disciplined in my teens and twenties.

It's what got me into the best business school in Canada.

It's how I moved to San Francisco, started a company, and landed jobs at Facebook and Shopify.

I used to wake up at 7:00am, and by 7:15, rush to catch the little white shuttle bus from San Francisco to Menlo Park. There, I was dialed in until at least 7 pm.

Focus wasn’t the answer either…

If anything, I had too much of it—just in bursts.

ADHD has been a part of my story since childhood.

I’ve been diagnosed in 4 different countries, across 4 different life stages.

For most of my life, I managed to make it work.

Because when there’s pressure—an exam, a deadline, a visa renewal, or rent due—ADHD becomes its own kind of superpower. You don’t just focus. You hyperfocus.

But here’s the truth…

The issue was never discipline.

The issue was never focus.

It was knowing what to focus on.

WHAT TO COMMIT TO.

What to let go.

Each week I will share one part on commitment: so keep reading or subscribe:

Part 1:

• How I reached a breaking point and turned from a systemically disciplined person to “chaos”

• Overcommitment vs. uncommitment → the two sides of the same coin

• Why commitment feel so hard → especially after burn out

Part 2 → next week: How do I build the muscle of commitment?

Part 3 → week after next: What if I don’t know what to commit to?

The Breaking Point — From Systemic Discipline to Chaos

At some point in my life… something broke.

After a few layoffs, heartbreaks, and the invisible toll of being an immigrant twice—first to Canada as a child, then to the U.S. in adulthood—I started to spin.

After taking time to heal, reconnect with my creativity, and explore after losing stability in most areas of my life — health, home, relationship and job…

I still found myself spinning, even when I knew exactly what the next steps were.

I was tired of starting things I didn’t finish.

Tired of saying yes to everything and letting people down, when I took on too much.

Tired of not knowing what to anchor into.

I started looking for answers…

To break this pattern

My friend Akano said…

“You have a lot of ideas and energy, but you need to settle into it. Otherwise, they just fritter and sizzle. Right now, you’re kicking up a lot of dust running furiously in circles, and then you wonder why you don’t see clearly.”

Why Commitment (Not Focus or Discipline) is the Real Issue

Everyone talks about focus. Grounding. Discipline.

Focus can be sharp but fleeting.

Focus isn't the problem when you're under pressure—you'll get things done.

And discipline? You've had it before.

Grounding helps—but only if you're clear on what you're grounding into.

What I really lacked was commitment — in all areas of my life.

But most importantly — commitment to myself.

Commitment to a vision for my life, career, and what I was building.

The conviction to stick with it.

And the emotional safety to believe it wouldn't disappear or be taken away from me.

My intuitive reader said…

“Commitment is a big one for her. There was a lack of it in childhood, so now, as an adult, she finds it hard to commit. She’s always on the move, searching. If she can work through this, many opportunities will open.”

Overcommitted vs. Uncommitted: Two Sides of the Same Coin

I used to think I had an overcommitment problem. I was saying yes to everything. Burning out. Dropping the ball.

But the truth is—overcommitment and lack of commitment are the same issue in different clothes.

Both come from a lack of clarity.

Both lead to burnout.

Both sabotage your self-trust.

When you're overcommitted, your energy is scattered.

When you're uncommitted, your energy is stagnant.

In both cases—you stay stuck.

Why Commitment Feels So Hard (Especially After Burnout)

Just some reasons, commitment might feel hard for you too — resulting in a lack of focus, discipline and grounding.

1. You've been burned before.

A failed relationship. A layoff. A startup that didn't work out. Your nervous system remembers—and now it flinches when anything feels too permanent. You feel like if you fully step in, that thing might be taken away from you or you’ll fail.

2. There's no roadmap anymore.

School told you what to do next. Corporate jobs gave you structure. But now you're building something of your own—or trying to. And it feels like decision paralysis. You might also be crafting a unique career path, or switching jobs. Again — there’s no roadmap, no check-list and no one holding your hand.

3. You don't trust yourself to follow through.

You've quit before. And you're scared of quitting again. So you either don't start—or you start ten things at once and hope one sticks.

4. You're overwhelmed by ADHD, overexcitement, or fear.

You're not lazy. You're just overloaded. And when everything feels equally urgent, nothing moves.

5. You’re stuck in decision paralysis, and uncertainty

Commitment is the hardest, when you don’t know the right decision to take — be it choosing where to live, what to work on, which job to take. If you ruminate in your head about the pros and cons, and all of the options but don’t take action, or do so with fear. Well that = lack of commitment.

How Overcommitment or Uncommitment Shows Up in Different Parts of Your Life

1. How This Shows Up At Work: Overachieving Yet Dropping the Ball on a Few things

When I worked at Meta, I was part of the youth safety team—running projects with 30+ engineers, pitching to VPs of every major app, talking to 200 stakeholders weekly. I was proud of my work.

But my performance review didn’t focus on the wins.

Instead, I heard: “Your work is brilliant, but sometimes you’re late. Or in that one presentation….Or in that one interaction”

That’s what sticks.

Even if you carry ten things across the finish line—one dropped ball creates doubt. And when you’re overcommitted, those cracks start to show.

It’s better to do less

Slowly

Carefully

With the right energy and intention.

2. How This Shows Up in Entrepreneurship: Spinning vs. Finishing

Creative people often struggle with this.

You’re full of ideas. You say yes to everything. But nothing gets done.

As Apple’s former CEO said:

People think focus means saying yes to the things you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means. It means saying no to the hundred other good things. — Steve Jobs

The people who build great things aren’t the most talented.

They’re just the most committed.

3. How This Shows Up In Relationships: Unintentional Hot & Cold Energy

The same pattern repeats in your relationships.

You say yes to every dinner invite. Every project. Every call.

And then cancel last minute, feeling guilty and overwhelmed.

Sometimes you overbook yourself—social plans, calls, hobbies.

Other times you disappear.

People can view you are noncommittal and cold but really you are overwhelmed from over committing.

People don’t know what’s going on inside you—they just see someone who’s unreliable. And over time, they stop reaching out.

Maybe you appear one day, present and full of love. And the next day you pull away. Not intentionally. I understand you because we have been friends for a long time but unless someone know your like me, they probably won’t understand. They’ll think you don’t care. But your just overwhelmed or doing a hundred things. - one of my friends

If you flake once or twice, people get over it.

If your super late, it’s fine a few times but not always.

If you keep over committing and cancelling late minute, well…

If the “hot and cold” becomes a pattern, trust erodes.

4. How This Shows Up in Life: Moving Cities, Switching Hobbies, Running Away

Anchoring has never been in my nature.

She’s tired of running. Want to settle but hasn’t found the place. Needs to choose a path and stop flirting here, there, everywhere. — Reading from Sharon my intuitive advisor.

I see this is again highly creative, curious, adventurous and freedom seeking people.

There’s so much to explore in the world.

So much to learn and see.

So many hobbies to try — kiteboarding, surfing, knitting, guitar, signing….

I understand.

I get so excited about the possibilities.

All of the places.

Things I haven’t tried yet.

Situations that may surprise me.

Yet when you don’t know where you belong, you don’t stay long enough anywhere to find out.

And if you don’t commit you don’t fully see anything through to get the benefit of depth! Be it a subject you’re studying or a friendship you are building or a location you’re exploring.

Now in my travel life — I travel slow

I’ve identified a few places in the world I love living in

Then I spend a month, three or six there

Really getting to know the culture

The people and the community

For example…

I’ve been coming to Peru five times in seven year even though I have chances to see to other spiritual and beautiful regions like India, Nepal, New Zealand…

But I ask myself:

What do I want to learn from this experience?

By staying in Peru, every time I come back I find more and more beautiful surprises. Like meeting a medicine woman I enjoy working with that has a deep and traditional understanding of Amazonian plants, so I’m able to find herbal solutions for myself and my family.

Or getting to connect with the mountains more and more through daily prayer and contact.

5. You Can’t Run From Yourself Forever

As a nomad, I’ve lived in five countries.

I used to think the next place would finally feel like home.

But the truth is, I was running. From decisions. From emotions.

From the commitment to stay still.

And every new place brought the same emotional weight.

This is where I learnt:

You can’t escape the inner chaos with external movement.

Because everywhere you go—you bring yourself.

More next week :)

Part 2 → next week: How do I build the muscle of commitment?

Part 3 → week after next: What if I don’t know what to commit to?

This is a continuation from last week → Read Part 1 here!

I used to believe success came from working harder than everyone else.

It’s how I was raised. I immigrated to Canada at 10, watching my Soviet-engineer grandparents rebuild our lives from scratch.

They taught me the value of effort, sacrifice, and discipline.

At 15, I made a vow to be self-sufficient.

By 20, I’d built my first business. Growing it to $1M a year…

By 30, I was working at Meta, living my then “dream”.

But beneath the wins were cracks I couldn’t ignore: ADHD, burnout, anxiety, emotional exhaustion.

I tried every productivity tool. Every system.

Nothing worked—until I started working on my Masters in Traditional Chinese Medicine…

Until I stopped trying to be a machine and started asking:

What if my energy, rhythm, and work style were already wired inside of me? What is only — I listened and adjusted….

I ready every book on the psychology of work, and our modern personality testing systems.

I turned to ancient systems even more—Ayurveda, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Human Design—but to go deeper than what modern productivity offers. These frameworks didn’t give me shortcuts. They gave me clarity. A mirror. A map for my own rhythm.

So here’s what I want to share with you:

If you’re tired of burning out, start working with your nature—not against it.

Let’s begin.

Personality Tests & Eastern Systems to Help You Work “Smarter”

We’re taught to hustle like we’re machines — do everything exactly the same way.

To wake up at 5am, build five streams of income, and meditate like a monk—before 9am.

But what if working smarter wasn’t just about the 80/20 rule? Or doing more with less?

What if it meant listening to your nature?

And building a system that is unique to you.

In Ayurveda and Chinese Medicine, we’re each born with a unique constitution—an energetic rhythm.

If you follow my writing, and coaching I’m on a mission to combine Western research and psychology with Eastern systems, philosophies and medicines.

I think both can really show us our patterns…and help us move forward in any question in life — like how do I work smarter, not harder?

So take these test:

• Learn your TCM 5 Element type

• Learn your Ayurvedic Dosha

• Find out your Human Design

• Find out your Ennegram Type

DON’T rely on just ONE system → see what you get across all of them and bring all of the opinions, findings and patterns together to check yourself and grow.

What “Working Smarter” Really Means—For Your Dosha in Ayurveda

First, I studied Ayurveda so I can learn to eat properly — it’s just one system you can apply to your nutrition. Some things worked for me, others didn’t. Yet, I realized that this system can be applied to your personality and how you do anything in life…so here how it applies to working smarter…not harder.

Take the test:

• Learn your Ayurvedic Dosha

• SKIP to your dominant Dosha

1. If you’re Vata (Air & Ether) in Ayurveda

You’re full of ideas. You see possibility everywhere. But scattered energy = unfinished projects, spiraling pressure, or starting over again and again.

Work smarter means:

• Structure over speed. You don’t need to do more—you need a routine that holds you, yet is still flexible — i.e. block different days for different things

• Time-block your creative energy and your breaks. Without structure, you’ll burn time spinning.

• Create a focused atmosphere: work in quiet spaces, turn off notifications, and commit to finishing one thing at a time.

• Get things out of your head before you start work—lists, mind maps, whiteboards, visions.

• Schedule time to “dream” and time to “do.

2. If you’re Pitta (Fire & Water) in Ayurveda

You’re focused, efficient, and results-driven. But you push too hard. You over-plan. You equate effort with worth.

Work smarter means:

• Pausing before executing. Ask: “Is this the right task—or just the fastest path to dopamine?”

• Build decision buffers. Step away before you decide to work on and ask your WHY.

• Don’t optimize everything. Let 80% be enough where it matters less.

• Lead from clarity, not control. You’ll do more of what matters if you drop the pressure to do it all perfectly. So it’s not just about the 80/20 rule..but doing only a % perfectly.

3. If you’re Kapha (Earth & Water) in Ayurveda

You’re loyal, grounded, and steady. But you resist change. You avoid momentum. You overcommit emotionally and undercommit strategically.

Work smarter means:

• Choose starting — even if you don’t have a perfect plan, or WHY. Instead of researching more or waiting for the perfect time, begin.

• Start small but commit visibly: a deadline, an accountability buddy, a calendar invite, tell your friends.

• Batch your work. Ride your momentum. One push can carry you farther than you expect.

• Let go of “shoulds.” Choose projects that energize you. Your loyalty is sacred—save it for the right work.

How to Work Smarter According to Traditional Chinese Medicine

I fell in love with this 5-element classification system when I started studying a Masters in Traditional Chinese Medicine. It’s a great system that no only applies to healing diseases, and illnesses but your personality as well — how you live and react to life.

Take the test:

• Learn your TCM 5 Element type

• SKIP to your dominant element, and then read the secondary one

1. If you’re Wood Dominant (Liver / Gallbladder)

You’re a planner. A doer. But when blocked, you get irritated, indecisive, or controlling.

Work smarter means:

• Make decisions quickly to release stuck energy. Progress often comes from movement, not perfect strategy.

• Focus on one outcome. Don’t over-plan; just move the branch that’s in the way.

• Use healthy urgency—tight timelines, minimal steps, public commitments. Your Qi loves momentum.

2. If you’re Fire Dominant (Heart / Small Intestine)

You’re magnetic, expressive, and full of creative energy. But you overextend, get emotionally drained, or distracted by novelty.

Work smarter means:

• Prioritize resonance over performance. What actually lights you up?

• Choose 1–2 aligned projects and go deep—resist the urge to chase every spark.

• Add boundaries to your generosity. Protect your output from emotional depletion.

3. If you’re Earth Dominant (Spleen / Stomach)

You’re the center of gravity for others. You bring care and consistency. But you ruminate, overgive, and struggle to delegate.

Work smarter means:

• Simplify to essential. Stop feeding every project equally. Focus on what truly supports your purpose.

• Get out of the loop. Set time limits on planning and helping others—your energy needs to circulate.

• Use templates, SOPs, and repeatable rituals. Let systems carry what you no longer need to hold.

4. If you’re Metal Dominant (Lungs / Large Intestine)

You’re precise, principled, and organized. But you over-edit. You hesitate. You cling to things that no longer serve.

Work smarter means:

• Let go faster. Perfection is the enemy of done.

• Create “good enough” zones for low-impact work so you can preserve energy for what really matters.

• Set deadlines for decisions. You don’t need more clarity—you need movement.

5. If you’re Water Dominant (Kidneys / Bladder)

You’re introspective, deep, and intuitive. But you freeze under pressure or stay hidden.

Work smarter means:

• Make the invisible visible. Externalize your plans. Speak your intentions. Don’t wait for certainty—let your work reveal it.

• Design low-risk ways to test ideas. Build confidence through small, repeatable wins.

• Protect your energy—but don’t isolate. Momentum comes from sharing the vision, not perfecting it alone.

Smart work isn’t one system. It’s about honoring yourself.f

The moment you align your work with your constitution — you’ll work “smarter”.

If You Want an Approach Rooted in Psychology — The Enneagram

The Enneagram was developed in the 20th century by psychologists like Claudio Naranjo, who integrated it with modern therapy to explore how core fears, motivations, and defense mechanisms shape behavior.

It’s all about core motivations and patterns of attention, which deeply affect how we approach work. Each type tends to overuse certain strategies, which can become blind spots. Working smarter means seeing the pattern—and choosing a better one.

Take the test:

• Figure out your Enneagram types here

The Enneagram reveals the “why” behind how we work…

Type 1 – The Reformer

Motivation: To be good, right, and ethical

Work pattern: High standards, self-pressure, inner critic

Work smarter:

• Set “good enough” thresholds before starting

• Delegate where you over-control

• Use end-of-day check-ins

Type 2 – The Helper

Motivation: To be loved and needed

Work pattern: Overextends for others, struggles with boundaries

Work smarter:

• Start the day with your top 1–2 priorities—not someone else’s

• Use auto-responders, busy status on Slack or time blocks to protect deep work

• Track your impact without needing constant feedback and validation from others — how can you validate yourself?

Type 3 – The Achiever

Motivation: To be successful and admired

Work pattern: Constant doing, image-driven goals, burnout risk

Work smarter:

• Reconnect with why a goal matters before chasing it

• Define success metrics that include rest, joy, or relationships

• Use weekly reviews to choose aligned goals—not just impressive ones

Type 4 – The Individualist

Motivation: To be unique and true to self

Work pattern: Emotional highs/lows, starts and stops, waits for inspiration

Work smarter:

• Create structure before you need it—especially during low-energy days

• Make your creative process visible (boards, voice notes, journals)

• Finish a project even when the feeling shifts—completion is part of expression

Type 5 – The Investigator

Motivation: To be competent and self-sufficient

Work pattern: Over-prepares, under-shares, guards energy

Work smarter:

• Start before you feel fully ready—clarity often comes through action

• Create small output rituals (draft, publish, reflect)

• Use timers to prevent research spirals

Type 6 – The Loyalist

Motivation: To feel safe and supported

Work pattern: Plans for every scenario, doubts decisions, needs external validation

Work smarter:

• Choose once. Re-deciding wastes energy.

• Use “if-then” plans to calm your nervous system

• Name 3 reasons you can trust yourself before delegating decisions to others

Type 7 – The Enthusiast

Motivation: To avoid pain and stay stimulated

Work pattern: Jumps between ideas, avoids boring tasks, overcommits

Work smarter:

• Choose 1 priority per week, and make it playful

• Use themed workdays or time blocks to keep novelty within structure

• Capture ideas in a system so you don’t have to act on them immediately

Type 8 – The Challenger

Motivation: To be strong and in control

Work pattern: Leads boldly, resists limitation, acts fast

Work smarter:

• Build in pause space—decide, then review 24 hours later

• Let others lead sometimes. It frees up energy for ideation, visioning

• Use body cues (tension, exhaustion) to track when power, doing, control, more and more is masking burnout

Type 9 – The Peacemaker

Motivation: To stay at peace and avoid conflict

Work pattern: Avoids pressure, loses focus, says yes to avoid tension

Work smarter:

• Set your top 3 tasks the night before so you don’t drift

• Use music or movement to shift into momentum

• Make choices early in the day—energy dips later can cause avoidance

Super Overused—Yet Deeply Researched: Psychology-Based Systems That Help You Work Smarter

We’ve all seen surface-level personality tests on the internet.

• “Are you an INTJ or an INFP?”

• “Take this quiz to find your productivity style!”

Even I cringe as I write this…wondering if I should include. But honestly — it did help me!!

And these two systems before are very well research — rooted in decades of psychological study.

The Big Five (OCEAN)

One of the most validated models in psychology. Each trait exists on a spectrum—there’s no bad score, just different needs.

Take the test to find our where you are on the spectrum:

1. Take the test here

2. Then adjust your working methods based on results by referencing below…

1. Openness to Experience

How to work smarter…

• High openness:

  • You are curious, creative, comfortable with ambiguity

  • Avoid micromanagement and over-scheduling. Let yourself ideate, explore, and batch admin work.

• Low openness:

  • Practical, routine-loving, detail-oriented

  • Build routines and SOPs you can repeat. Innovation should come in small, tested steps.

2. Conscientiousness

How to work smarter…

• High conscientiousness:

  • Organized, self-disciplined, reliable

  • Use calendars and systems—but watch for rigidity and perfectionism.

• Low conscientiousness:

  • Spontaneous, flexible, more present-focused

  • Use visual boards or single-task sprints. Focus on starting, not finishing everything at once.

3. Extraversion

How to work smarter…

• High Extraversion:

  • Energized by people, talk to think, assertive

  • Schedule meetings, collaborations, and social tasks in your peak hours.

• Low Extraversion:

  • Energized by solitude, think before speaking, observant

  • Create uninterrupted solo blocks. Space out calls and protect recovery time.

4. Agreeableness

How to work smarter….

• High Agreeableness:

  • Empathetic, cooperative, diplomatic

  • Be mindful of people-pleasing or saying yes too often.

• Low Agreeableness:

  • Independent, direct, skeptical of others input

  • Set clear goals and be transparent about communication style. You thrive when trusted to work solo.

5. Neuroticism

How to work smarter…

• High Neuroticism:

  • Sensitive, emotionally reactive, stress-prone

  • Build in recovery, buffer time, and emotional check-ins. Don’t schedule back-to-back demands.

• Low Neuroticism:

  • Leverage your calm in high-pressure work—but don’t bypass emotion. Check in with your team.

  • Emotionally stable, calm, resilient under pressure

MBTI (Myers-Briggs)

Take the test:

• Find out your personality type here

• Each person is made up of 4 letters (e.g., INFP, ESTJ). So find your 4 letters and read about them:

1. Introversion (I) / Extraversion (E)

• I: Recharge alone, deep focus, prefer written reflection

• E: Recharge socially, fast talkers, brainstorm out loud

Work smarter:

• Introverts = Create uninterrupted work zones. Prep thoughts before big discussions.

• Extraverts = Use voice notes, walk-and-talks, or brainstorm calls to process ideas in motion.

2. Sensing (S) / Intuition (N)

• S: Practical, present-moment, prefers facts and details

• N: Big-picture thinker, future-focused, pattern-oriented

Work smarter:

• Sensing = Break projects into detailed steps. Anchor ideas in data.

• Intuition = Start with the big vision. Use mind maps to see nonlinear connections.

3. Thinking (T) / Feeling (F)

• T: Objective, values logic, focuses on outcomes

• F: Empathetic, values harmony, considers people impact

Work smarter:

• Thinkers = Prioritize transparency over tone—but take time to consider team morale.

• Feelers = Lead with clarity and care. Avoid over-accommodating at your own expense.

4. Judging (J) / Perceiving (P)

• J: Likes structure, closure, planning

• P: Prefers flexibility, exploration, last-minute sprints

Work smarter:

• Judging = Set deadlines—but allow breathing room. Avoid burnout from over-planning.

• Perceiving = Use rolling to-do lists and visual boards. Leave space for spontaneity within boundaries.

Human-Design: Can it Really Help You “Work Smarter”?

At first I skeptical…human design…a system created by some guy that said he “downloaded it”.

Yes I am super spiritual, but also skeptical (it’s the translation of my last name). Yet when I looked deeper — it made sense — as another reference point.

Human Design offers a blueprint for how we’re wired to operate. The founder combined many systems together to classify people into their Human Design type.

• Where our energy comes from.

• How we make decisions.

• What kind of work is sustainable.

Take the tests:

• Find out your Human Design

• SKIP to your Human Design

1. Manifestor

You’re here to start things. You have bursts of energy that come and go.

Working smarter means building around those energetic bursts.

Smart strategies:

• Plan your week around energy surges, not fixed hours. When you have the most energy, already have a relevant task list prepared. When you have no energy — don’t push yourself— rest.

• When a strong idea hits, act on it—don’t overthink. Follow your inspiration — always.

• Don’t force yourself to stay in motion between bursts. Rest creates your next wave.

• Block off solo time. You work best when you can move without interruption.

2. Generator

You’re here to respond. When you’re doing work that excites you, your energy is magnetic and powerful.

Working smarter means choosing work that gives you energy back.

Smart strategies:

• Let work come to you: respond to requests, questions, opportunities—not from your mind, but from your gut.

• Pay attention to what drains vs. what satisfies. That feeling is your compass.

• Batch energy-heavy tasks when you feel strong, and take breaks when you don’t.

• Avoid “shoulds.” If your energy isn’t lit up, the work will take twice as long.

4. Manifesting Generator

You’re multi-passionate and fast-moving. You don’t follow a straight line.

Working smarter means letting yourself pivot and streamline.

Smart strategies:

• Focus on speed and efficiency. Cut out steps that don’t feel necessary.

• Don’t wait until something is perfect. Launch and evolve as you go.

• When something stops energizing you, it’s okay to shift. That’s part of how you stay productive.

• Build flexible structures so you can move between projects as energy changes.

5. Projector

You’re here to see deeply. You’re efficient with energy—but only if you use it wisely.

Working smarter means focusing your effort where it has the biggest impact.

Smart strategies:

• Work in short, focused sprints. 2–4 hours of aligned work can be enough.

• Guide others, improve systems, offer insight—this is where your energy is best spent.

• Block off recovery time daily. Tiredness often comes from absorbing too much, not doing too little.

• Be selective with projects. The right work recognizes your value—and doesn’t waste your energy.

6. Reflector

You’re sensitive to your environment and cycle through energy patterns.

Working smarter means giving yourself time, space, and clarity.

Smart strategies:

• Don’t commit to fast deadlines. You need time to feel whether something is right.

• Track your monthly energy flow. You work best when you align with the lunar cycle.

• Work in inspiring, uplifting spaces. The environment affects your clarity and output.

• Choose collaborative roles that let you reflect, guide, and sense what’s ready for change.

If You’re A Woman — Read This Last Part

Because women aren’t meant to operate like machines…

And my whole life changed when I started following this method.

• You’re not meant to work the same way every day.

• Linear productivity models were built around 24-hour male hormone cycles.

• But female hormones operate on a ~28-day rhythm.

Your energy, creativity, focus, and drive shift across the month—and your work should too.

When you align your schedule with your cycle, everything flows more easily.

Menstrual (Days 1–5)

• Best for: Rest, review, visioning

• Smart tip: Clear your schedule. Reflect, don’t put pressure on yourself to work.

Follicular (Days 6–13)

• Best for: Starting, planning, strategizing

• Smart tip: Schedule brainstorming and focused work here (like that admin work you’ve been putting off). It’s also ok to be in more of your “masculine” productivity here.

Ovulation (Days 14–17)

• Best for: Meetings, presenting, visibility

• Smart tip: Do all of your calls, presentations, meetings, interviews.

Luteal (Days 18–28)

• Best for: Editing, finishing, decluttering

• Smart tip: Focus, simplify, say no to new. For some women — lighten your schedule, and don’t push your’sef to work.

At the end of the day, success isn’t about working the hardest.

It’s about working wisely.

Because smart work isn’t just about efficiency.

It’s about designing a life where work feels effortless.

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As a child of immigrants and an immigrant myself, I came to Canada at the age of 10.

I barely spoke English.

My family had to start from nothing.

I was raised by my grandparents and my mom.

Back in Russia, my grandparents were engineers.

In Canada, they took whatever jobs they could—construction, house cleaning, tutoring—anything to put food on the table.

Typical story.

I watched my grandfather wake up every morning and work 12-hour construction shifts in the cold. My grandmother did everything—cooking, cleaning, teaching kids—never stopping for a second.

And I respected them for it. Immensely.

I was taught to study and work relentlessly — because knowledge is power.

Just like so many other 2nd generation immigrants I know…

And so many of my peers from Toronto, San Francisco and New York.

I believed hard work was the answer to everything.

But after a decade of pushing myself non-stop, I started seeing the cracks:

• Burnout

• Exhaustion

• Lack of purpose or direction

• Relentless search of THE IDENTITY

• A pattern of “Workaholism”

• The need to prove myself

• An endless cycle of never feeling like I’d done enough.

• And running in the cycle of materialism, and over-consumption

It took many cycles over 4 years, followed three months of slowing down in Peru to finally break these patterns.

I’m not sure I’m fully there yet — but at least I understand and see the reality clearly.

✅ Hard work isn’t enough. Without strategy, it’s just running on a treadmill.

✅ More hours don’t equal better results. It’s about focusing on the right things.

✅ Success isn’t about just pushing forward—it’s about knowing when to step back and understand your WHY.

✅ The “toxic” productivity we’re taught isn’t ho we should work —you need to create from a place of balance, inspiration, creativity — NOT anxiety, fear and scarcity mindset.

Hard Work vs. Smart Work: A Conversation With My Grandmother That Surprised me

The other day, I had a conversation with my grandmother again…

She sighed and said:

“Life is already tough.

Young people have too much on their shoulders—marriage, kids, purpose, finances, work.”

Then she asked a question that I never thought she would…

“Why do immigrants always think they don’t have enough?

Why do we work ourselves to the grave?”

She had a point.

I’ve seen it in so many immigrant families—the relentless work ethic, the fear of scarcity, the belief that we must always do more.

But, there’s a time to re-examine:

Hard work is a valuable tool, but without strategy, it’s just a habit that can keep you spinning, instead of moving…

The Science of Working Smarter: My Grandmother’s Unintentional Productivity Hack

Funny enough, my grandmother has been telling me how to work SMARTER my entire life. I just somehow missed it…

Even though she worked relentlessly in Canada to survive…

She still reminded me:

My grandmother has been saying this to me since I was a kid.

Every time I told her about my dozens of ideas, she’d say:

I didn’t realize this was an actual scientific principle until I researched it.

Maybe she learnt it from somewhere. She does read a lot!

Turns out, she was describing the Pareto Principle (80/20 Rule) perfectly.

🔬 The Pareto Principle: 80% of Results Come From Just 20% of Efforts.

So science agrees with grandma:

👉 How to Apply It:

• Identify the 20% of tasks that drive 80% of your success.

• Ruthlessly cut out OR delegate the rest.

• Stop confusing busyness with productivity.

Let’s explore more.

So important for my entrepreneurial friends….delegate the rest

If you can’t say NO → who can do the work for you?

The admin stuff…the reparative tasks…basic research..

Create systems…document everything and then pass things off (I’ll write on this later).

Smart Work vs. Hard Work: Key Differences

Here’s the breakdown:

✅ Time Investment

• Hard Work: Measures success by hours spent working.

• Smart Work: Measures success by results achieved.

That’s why NO ONE cared how hard we worked at Meta…as Product Managers we were measured on the metrics:

→ what did we launch

→ how well the product worked

→ if it brought in users, engagement, revenue…

So apply the same Product Management principles to YOUR life.

✅ Problem-Solving Approach

• Hard Work: Uses brute force—more effort, more struggle.

• Smart Work: Uses strategy—focuses on efficiency, automation, and systems.

Every few months, I review everything I’ve done.

Highlighting what I can automate. Hire a VA for. Use AI or Zapier.

Organize. Document. Outsource. Automate.

✅ The WHY

• Hard Work: “If I just grind harder, I’ll get there.”

• Smart Work: “If I know my WHY, I’ll get there faster—with less stress.”

Before I sit down to do anything…with 100 tasks running through my head

I always ask which is the most important:

→ the one that unblocks everything

→ the one that will get the most results

→ the one that will teaching me the most

✅ The ENERGY

• Hard Work: “It 12:00 am but I must still work harder, even though my body is aching and my head hurts.”

• Smart Work: “Let me do this tomorrow, after a 10 minute meditation where I see how well the day and the project goes.”

You can accomplish the same thing in two different ways

→ HAPPY or

→ MISERABLE.

Most of us are grinding it out, because that’s what we’ve been taught.

At the end of the day — the results will be the way.

But wouldn’t be nice to do the exact say things in a good mood, with a rested body, nice music in the background, and some dance breaks in between?

So how do we make the shift?

How Ancient & Modern Thinkers Mastered Smart Work

This isn’t a new idea.

The world’s greatest thinkers—from Greek philosophers to Buddhist monks to modern psychologists—have all studied how to maximize effort without exhaustion.

Aristotle’s Golden Mean: Work, But Not Too Much

🔥 Aristotle taught the Golden Mean—the balance between two extremes.

• Too much work = burnout.

• Too little work = stagnation.

• Smart work = effort with purpose.

👉 Takeaway: Don’t measure success by how much you work—measure it by how well you work.

Stoicism: Control What You Can, Let Go of the Rest

🔥 Marcus Aurelius & Seneca believed that success comes from focusing only on what’s within our control.

Hard workers waste energy on everything.

Smart workers prioritize the things that truly matter.

👉 Takeaway: Before taking on a task, ask:

“Is this within my control? Will this move me forward?” If not? Let it go. Redirect your energy.

Buddhist Right Effort: Not All Work Is Good Work

🔥 The Buddha taught that effort should be intentional, meaningful, and aligned with purpose.

Just working hard isn’t enough. It has to be the right kind of effort.

👉 Takeaway: Instead of forcing productivity, ask:

“Am I doing this out of habit, or because it truly matters?”

How to Shift from Hard Work to Smart Work (Step-by-Step Guide)

💡 Step 1: Identify High-Impact Work

• Use the Eisenhower Matrix to separate urgent vs. important tasks.

• Focus on high-leverage activities, not busywork.

💡 Step 2: Work in Deep Focus Mode

• Turn off notifications.

• Block 90-minute time slots for deep work.

• Use a timer to stay in flow.

I usually remove my phone; putting it into another room.

I block off these “deep focus” blocks on my calendar and work.

On Slack, I set my status to — busy.

And most importantly…I prepare for my deep focus blocks in super feminine way — with a coffee, tea, sometimes a wine, candles (in the evening), near flowers or plants (during the day).

I make FOCUS fun, and beautiful.

💡 Step 3: Batch & Automate

• Group similar tasks (emails, meetings, admin) to avoid mental fatigue.

• Use automation tools to eliminate repetitive work.

For the longest time, Sunday or Monday I do all of my admin and life tasks.

I have one day during the week I go to appointments — Wednesday

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday is when I take meetings

Wednesdays — on every team I’m on I make a no meeting day.

And so on…

💡 Step 4: Follow Your Energy, Not Just the Clock

• Align tasks with your natural energy peaks.

• Take movement breaks before exhaustion sets in.

For me, it’s not just about the energy I’m in — but the energy I prepare myself to be in before I work.

Energy cultivation (which I will write about later) is at the root of working smarter.

I never, sit down to work if I’m anxious, lost in thought, mad at something or someone else. I use techniques like meditation, exercise, mantras and more to get myself into a neutral state before I work.

Because I truly believe — it matters the energy I put into every single thing — this post…a product…a roadmap.

And I’ll get exactly what I put in.

Next Week — Part 2

We’re taught to hustle like we’re machines — do everything exactly the same way.

To wake up at 5am, build five streams of income, and meditate like a monk—before 9am.

But what if working smarter wasn’t just about the 80/20 rule? Or doing more with less?

What if it meant listening to your nature?

And building a system that is unique to you.

In Ayurveda and Chinese Medicine, we’re each born with a unique constitution—an energetic rhythm.

If you follow my writing, and coaching I’m on a mission to combine Western research and psychology with Eastern systems, philosophies and medicines.

I think both can really show us our patterns…and help us move forward in any question in life — like how do I work smarter, not harder?

So take these test:

• Learn your TCM 5 Element type

• Learn your Ayurvedic Dosha

• Find out your Human Design

• Find out your Enneagram Type

• Find out your personality type here (MBTI)

DON’T rely on just ONE system → see what you get across all of them and bring all of the opinions, findings and patterns together to check yourself and grow.

Next Week I’ll Reveal “Smart Work Strategies” Tailored to You:

Come prepared with your results and I’ll show you the tips that are actually tailored to you…

See you soon!

You work tirelessly, chasing the next promotion, revenue milestone, or follower count, hoping that finally—you'll feel valuable.

That you'll BELONG.

That you’ll be SEEN.

But what if this “productivity" is just "workaholism" in disguise?

We blame corporate America, hustle culture, capitalism... but the truth?

👉 It's us. We struggle to detach.

And this attachment?

It keeps us living in the mind — away from the present, the NOW.

So, within a blink, life passes us by.

My Story: The Moment I Attached My Worth to "Success"

At 15, I was kicked out of my home by my stepdad.

In that moment, I made a vow:

"I will never depend on anyone. I will make it on my own."

I built my life around external success markers—money, titles, and the next milestone.

For years, I pushed myself harder, thinking that once I achieved enough, I would finally feel safe. Valuable. Enough.

Once one dream would be fulfilled — I would set my bar higher. There was no limit.

And guess what?

This didn’t exactly give me the love I desired.

It took me a decade to realize:

👉 I wasn't working for just financial stability

👉 I wasn't even working for joy

👉 I was working to feel WORTHY

Maybe your story isn't as extreme.

But if you've ever felt like your work is who you are—then you know the feeling.

Especially, when that job or career is gone — What do you identify with?

Instead of Facing Ourselves and Our Emotions — We Channel Them into Work

Many people turn to work when something in life doesn't work out.

A breakup. A loss. A deep feeling of loneliness.

Instead of facing those emotions, they channel energy into work—a pursuit that society rewards.

To prove. To distract. To numb.

The result?

👉 You reinforce the belief that success = self-worth.

It's easy to ignore when things are going well.

But then? A layoff. A failed business. A missed promotion.

And suddenly—you don't just lose the job.

You lose yourself.

Why Overattachment is a Trap Society Sets Out for Us (And Why It’s So Hard to Avoid)

From the moment we're kids, we're taught that achievement equals value.

🏆 Your school: "Yay! You got into Stanford!"

💼 Your parents: "Awesome, you're a doctor now!"

🚀 The media: "Look at this 25-year-old running a $25M company!"

The world whispers, "Attach your identity to your job title. Then you'll be happy."

And we listen.

We grind. We chase. We build.

Until one day, we wake up and wonder, Why do I still feel empty?

It doesn’t help that there’s a game like “action and reward”.

Extra bonus = nicer car

Higher salary = bigger house

Online business = remote freedom

And so on…

But it’s like a sugar high and a sugar crash

The Dangers of Tying Your Identity to Work

1. You only see one version of success.

Discipline and focus are necessary to achieve goals. But if you never zoom out, you may end up climbing the wrong mountain.

Or spending your life working in a job or industry you don’t actually enjoy…

You become so hyper-focused on career goals that you forget to step back and ask, "Do I even want this version of success?"

2. You keep reinforcing that your worth = your work.

Your happiness becomes dependent on:

✓ The next promotion

✓ The next funding round

✓ The next revenue milestone

It never stops.

You're now a well-oiled machine in the capitalist system—measuring your self-worth in numbers.

And still feeling like you're not enough.

3. You're more vulnerable to burnout.

When work is your only identity, everything else shrinks.

Your health. Your relationships. Your creativity.

If you pour everything into one identity, and that identity collapses?

You have nothing to hold onto.

4. You’re less resilient to change

A layoff, a failed business, an unexpected career shift — if your identity is only tied to your job, these moments feel like losing yourself.

If your worth is tied to being a "Product Manager at Google," getting laid off can leave you spiraling, wondering, "Who am I without this job?"

If your identity is built on the success of your startup, what happens if the business fails? Or even if it succeeds and you exit? What now?

I see this happen over and over again.

People check all the boxes, get the dream job, build the company, and make the money, only to wake up and feel empty.

So how do you break free?

5. Your life becomes one-dimensional

If your entire identity is built around work, other parts of you don’t have space to grow — your relationships, creativity, or even your ability to slow down and enjoy life.

What You Can Do To Break Free & Understand Your Authentic Self

Practices and reflections to detach self-worth from work, reconnect with one’s authentic self, and cultivate internal validation, emotional resilience, and multidimensional identity.

👉 1. Detach from your current identity.

You'll go through many identities in life.

📌 Graduate of X university

📌 Engineer at Meta

📌 Founder of Y company

📌 Parent, partner, leader, artist, creator

It's normal to attach. But you must also learn to detach.

Ask yourself: "Who am I beyond this title?"

👉 2. ZOOM OUT! See life as a theater play (where you're just playing different roles).

One of my biggest "Aha" moments happened in New York.

I stood in my friend's Williamsburg apartment, looking over the bridge, thinking, How did we create all of this?

From forests and rivers to skyscrapers and full industries.

We are builders. We create stories. And we get to choose new ones.

• You are more than one identity.

• You are more than one chapter.

• You can reinvent and create over and over again.

Your career will go through phases. You will play different roles in life. Don’t let one identity define you forever.

👉 3. Reconnect with the parts of you that never change.

When you're fully immersed in work, you stop seeing yourself outside of it.

You must actively relearn who you are:

💡 Ask yourself:

• "What do I love about myself that has nothing to do with work?"

• "Who was I as a teenager, and what did I love most?"

💡 Ask your friends & family:

• "What do they love about me that has nothing to do with my job?"

• "How can I help you? Or what can you count me on?"

The people who truly know you don't care about your title.

They care about who you are.

• The one who makes them laugh.

• The one who plays guitar like a rockstar.

• The one who shows up with the best holiday dish.

• They love you for things that can't be measured.

I can guarantee you that no one in my life cares if I’m a Product Manager. They are happy for me, sure! Some people ask how to switch into tech.

But most of all, anyone close to me wants to see me happy and to be a healthy person they enjoy a conversation and dinner with.

Actually, when I started being the truest versions of me that I hid from the world like:

• Writing this newsletter

• Studying health, wellness, psychology, etc

• Making art

People who have known me all my life would say, “Oh hey, you were always like this…painting…talking about philosophy till 4 am…this isn’t a surprise.”

So, what would not be a surprise to the people who know you best?

Who are you when you’re left completely alone, with nothing to distract you and nothing to “do”?

👉 4. Cognitive Behavioral Journaling (CBT) to Refine Your Beliefs

Challenge the “if I’m not productive, I’m worthless” thought loop.

Exercise:

1. List core beliefs about worth and work.

2. Identify evidence for and against those beliefs.

3. Replace with healthier, grounded affirmations.

👉 5. Value yourself for things that don't need approval.

Yes, achievement feels good. But what about the things that don't require applause?

✓ Your kindness

✓ Your ability to listen

✓ Your creativity

✓ Your love for adventure

✓ The way you care for the people around you

Let go of the need for external validation.

The most valuable parts of you — your kindness, your presence, and your creativity- don’t need a performance review.

Derive your self-esteem from these.

Because if you do...

📌 No job, title, or circumstance can take your identity away.

📌 You won't need external validation to feel worthy.

📌 You'll move through life getting to know your real self, stripped away from influence.

👉 6. Create multiple sources of fulfillment.

Sometimes when we’re working hard — 70 hour weeks, and have many responsibilities like aging parents, community or kids it’s easy to forget. I had to ask well what do I really enjoy?

And I was shocked that I completely forgot what activities brought me joy because I was so focused on responsibility. Not a bad thing, as long as it’s mixed with things that truly bring you joy.

Neuroscience shows that diversity in experiences builds resilience. Invest in relationships, hobbies, learning, and personal growth so that when one area of life shifts, you don’t feel lost.

So ask yourself:

• What deeply engaging activities bring you joy and make time fly?

  • ….

• What topics ignite curiosity and foster a thirst for knowledge?

  • ….

• What have you always wanted to try but never had time, energy or resources?

  • ….

👉 7. Embrace freedom from external identities

Look around.

• YouTube influencers didn't exist 20 years ago.

• Product marketing manager wasn't a job 50 years ago.

• Some people don't even know what a Product Manager is today.

Society is constantly cooking up new identities for us to chase.

What's trending today won't matter tomorrow.

As a matter of fact, we are already seeing this today!!! What is AI? Who is a prompt engineer?

The need to catch up with a changing society and the new roles is right before our eyes.

And it will only accelerate.

👉8. Name the Part of You That Believes Work = Worth

Most of us carry inner “parts” that form during childhood or in moments of trauma. These parts step up to protect us, often creating rigid roles like The Achiever, The Overfunctioner, or The Rescuer. They mean well. They keep us safe. But if left unchecked, they can take over our whole identity.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we learn that no part of us is bad—it’s just trying to protect us.

So what part of you believes your worth comes from work?

Start here:

• What’s the voice that kicks in when you’re not being productive?

• What does it sound like?

• When did this part of you first show up?

• What is it afraid will happen if you slow down?

Give it a name.

Mine was “The Soldier.” This part emerged when I got kicked out at 15. It whispered, “We have to keep going. We have no choice. Safety means success.” It drove me to outwork everyone, say yes to everything, and never feel like I had the right to rest.

But underneath?

That part was terrified. Of abandonment. Of being left behind. Of becoming nothing.

The goal isn’t to kill this part.

It’s to lead it from a grounded place. To say:

“I see you. Thank you for protecting me. But I’m safe now. We’re allowed to slow down. We’re allowed to rest.”

Try this:

• Visualization: Close your eyes and picture this part. How old is it? What is it wearing? What does it need to hear?

• Dialoguing: Write a letter from your current self to this part. Offer compassion. Reassure it.

• Embodiment: Notice where this part lives in your body. When it gets loud, breathe into that place. Say: “You’re safe now. I’ve got this.”

IFS teaches us that we’re not broken—we’re beautifully complex. And when we bring leadership to the parts of us that were once in charge, we create a deeper integration of self—one that’s not dependent on performance, but on presence.

👉 9. Rewrite the Story You’ve Been Living

We live in stories.

We tell ourselves, “I am this kind of person.”

Stories like:

1. “I’m the one who always holds it together.”

2. “If I’m not useful, I’m nothing.”

3. “Success is how I stay safe.”

But what if those stories were written in moments of pain, not truth?

Narrative Therapy invites us to step outside the problem-saturated story and re-author a new one—one where we aren’t defined by our past, our trauma, or our job title.

I used to tell the story:

“I survived by being independent. I earned love through achievement. I proved I was enough by always doing more.”

And while there was truth in that—it wasn’t the whole truth.

The fuller story?

“I adapted to survive. But my worth was never in question. I am loved for who I am—not what I do. I get to rest now. I get to receive.”

Here’s how you can try this:

Step 1: Identify your current narrative.

Ask:

1. What story do I tell myself when I rest or fail?

2. Who gave me this narrative?

3. Who benefits from me believing this?

Step 2. Externalize it.

Instead of saying “I am a workaholic,” say “Workaholism has shaped my life.”

This separates you from the behavior and opens the door to change.

Step 3. Re-author.

Write a new story that centers on your values, not your validation.

Try this prompt:

“There was a time I believed I had to prove my worth. But then I discovered that true safety doesn’t come from achievement—it comes from trusting myself. Now I live from a place of ___.”

Backed by research: Narrative therapy has been shown to improve self-esteem and reduce anxiety, especially in people who struggle with identity or trauma (White & Epston, 1990). A study in Psychotherapy Research found that clients who rewrote their personal narratives experienced a greater sense of meaning and long-term behavior change

Remember:

You’re not here to repeat someone else’s story.

You’re here to write your own.

And the best stories?

They’re written with grace, not grind.

👉 BONUS: Reflect on The Following to Understand Your Authentic Self

These questions are meant to help you understand your inner self, personality, and who you are outside of your work identity. Getting in touch with yourself and your innate talents is the best way to align yourself with a career that brings you joy.

Your True Self

1. What are your gifts, talents, and passions?

   • ….

2. What words describe you best? Or how would your closest friends and family describe you?

   • ….

Your Past

1. What experiences have you had that you think align with your purpose?

   • ….

2. What childhood or teenage dreams still inspire you?

   • ….

3. What things have you done in life because of social conditioning vs. because you truly wanted to (status, family, etc)?

   • ….

You Now

1. What are you most excited about right now, day to day?

   • ….

2. What worries you most? What drains you most?

   • ….

3. What do you feel is missing in your life?

   • ….

4. If you had unlimited resources, time, and no need to please anyone what would you be doing now?

   • ….

If you let your identity be defined by what's temporary, you will always feel lost when society expects you to change — to find a new role to play.

But if you build your self-worth on who you truly are—outside of work, outside of titles, outside of achievements—you will be free.

Your job can change. Your career can evolve. The world can force a change.

But your essence stays the same.

Let me know which of these reflections and exercises you found most helpful in the comments!

Leave a comment

.

Here's how to define how you can help:

1. Focus on the person asking ➞ "The Buyer Persona"

↳ List their needs, blind spots, and strengths.
↳ Are they missing your domain expertise? Or your execution skills?
↳ Categorize your "persona's".

Example Buyer Personas:

1. (1) Tech founder with no experience in healthcare

2. (2) Clinician with no experience in tech

3. (3) Founder where I was 5 years ago.

2. Analyze their product and company stage

↳ What's most important to them? Companies in different stages will have different needs. If you know they have a very tight funding runway, or if they are bootstrapped, well then revenue is a clear target. How can you help boost this revenue? If they are scaling, and growing super fast, can you help with processes and structures?
↳ Ex: Is it immediate sales, or feedback from the market and clients?

3. See if the person is YOU but 2, 5, 10 years ago.

↳ Many see you are a role model. People want to get to where you are.
↳ Reflect on your journey. Key actions. Mistakes. Hacks.
↳ Do a free intro call to refresh your memory. See if you can help. LISTEN. Thoughtfully respond.

4. Create your LOW, MID, and HIGH touch offerings.

↳ Low: i.e coaching or consulting by the hour. You can offer a package of 4 hours each month, or even more spread out. Have a sequence or framework that guides the client through to a desired goal. Ex: Are they shipping something for the first time, then create a 0 to 1 framework that shares your knowledge in 8 calls
↳ Mid: i.e 10 hours a week of product execution work. Clearly define your boundaries of what you will do, and you won’t since you only have a few hours a week.
↳ High: i.e recruiting a team of designers, to launch a product 0 to 1

5. Price each offering differently

↳ Low: per hour
↳ Mid: on monthly, or per-project retainer
↳ High: on deliverable
↳ ASK: "I'm excited to work with you, which option do you want?"

6. Define an early and quick "win"

↳ How can you provide value right away?
↳ Usually, it's not telling the person what they already know.
↳ Be mindful of ideas. Most know what they need to do, but don't have resourcing or time.

7. Pretend you already got the consulting contract

↳ What does success look like in the next 3 - 6 months?
↳ What results did you deliver?
↳ What will you highlight, to get more clients?
↳ How did this help define your specialization?

8. Write out a hypothetical proposal

↳ Categorize all of the "to-dos" and wins into sections.
↳ If you were to get a sign-off from your client, what would their feedback be?

Example Proposals…

9. SYSTEMIZE

↳ Focus on 2 - 3 "Buyer Personas"
↳ Focus on 3 offerings for each
↳ Rinse and repeat your proposals...

10. Check in with your heart ♡

↳ Who do you love helping? And how?
↳ What gives you energy, vs. takes it away?

Careers, Redesigned

Careers, Redesigned is your source to find purpose, follow your authentic path, switch careers, thrive doing meaningful work, and lead with love. By Angelina Fomina - x-Meta, Oculus, Shopify Product Manager, 3x founder, Fractional Lead, and forever side-hustler.

Hey,

You're getting this email because you've attended one of my webinars on Product Management or subscribed to any of my newsletters.

I’ve got an exciting update I couldn’t wait to share with you!

Today, I'm launching another cohort of a new kind of Product Management Bootcamp — work on real projects with personalized coaching and lectures from me.

After coaching over 100 aspiring product managers...

I realized the gaps in current boot camps:

• Passive learning

• Lack of real-world experience

• Very little career support

• No coaching

So I create a new kind of program to change this...

What you’ll get:

1. Work on a real project with a founder, non-profit or start-up and get work experience

2. 12 weeks of live, interactive lectures (on demand too)

   1. Ex: Develop Product Thinking slides

3. 6 personalized coaching sessions with me covering product, leadership, productivity, mental health, purpose, and your career.

4. Community of peers with webinars, events, and check-ins, even after the cohort ends.

   1. Guest speakers like Aman (PMs with 10+ years of experience) 

5. Career coaching and support

6. 100+ templates, resources, and real examples you can use at work right away

   1. Ex: Template for Product Brief

7. Portfolio project where I guide you to improve or create a product

8. Extra on-demand courses with 80+ hours of content:

   1. Pivot With Clarity: Discover Your New Career Path

   2. Switch into Tech and PM: Land Your Dream Role

   3. Master the PM Interview

9. Certificate of completion 

My journey into product management wasn’t easy:

I started as a business grad, bounced back after a few layoffs, and moved to the US!

Now, I have over 10 years of experience in product and design at Shopify, Meta (Oculus, Instagram), and startups. I’ve taught at the General Assembly, mentored 150+ people, and conducted dozens of interviews.

As a 3x founder, I grew a SaaS product, established a thriving non-profit, and worked as a Fractional Product Lead while always launching side hustles.

I’m excited to make your journey into product management easier.

So, I’m excited to make the journey easier for you.

🚀 In early June, I’m launching another cohort!

Message me if you’re interested, or if you have questions 😊

We can also set up a call.

Thanks so much!

Angelina!

Common Questions:

1. What will I learn:

   1. Developing Product Thinking

   2. Product Strategy

   3. User Research, Customer & Product Discovery

   4. Product Requirements, Briefs, Planning and Roadmaps

   5. Project Management

   6. Stakeholder Management & Leadership

   7. Product Design

   8. Product Analytics & Metrics

   9. Product Growth & Go to Market

   10. Tech Skills for Product Managers

2. What's the price?

   • The program is discounted to $2,250. 

   • You can pay over 10 months (payment link). And for every friend who signs up, I'll send you a $200 back.

3. What is included in the coaching?

   • The coaching is very personalized to your needs and where you are in your career…

     • Discover your passions, purpose, career options, and direction.

     • Clarify your next step and switch to PM

     • Job search, network, interview prep, negotiate, and thrive in your new role.

   • See all of the proven, research-based frameworks we use.

4. What happens if I have to miss a class?

   • All classes are recorded and can be accessed on-demand. You can also catch up by attending the live classes in the next cohort.

5. Can I expense this with my current company?

   • Yes. I created a template for you to submit to your company for reimbursement here. This program is great for you to up-level your skills in product and in leadership.

6. What are others saying?

   • See the testimonials here!

— Part I — Unveiling the Illusion: Reconsidering Our Pursuit for More

Reflection: all we need to be happy is so little - love, nature, family, a daily purpose…

So who told us we need so much?

As I'm traveling in Peru...I see the staff in my hotel, singing and dancing. I'm greeted with a smile, and can't help but smile back.

When I come back home to Toronto or somewhere in the US - San Francisco or Los Angeles...already landing in the airport, there is SUCH a different energy. 

Does it take a lot of energy to smile?

Or "as within...so without" - the idea that our external reality is a reflection of our internal state or mindset.

Yet we grow up in an "artificial society" that tells us we need so much.

Why artificial?

Every day I go outside...

I feel like a walking ATM. In a game, paying with my Monopoly money. 

All of the rules and the current system we work and live in is all man-made. Look back, if you were born in a different time, you would be playing by some other rules like bartering. 

Yet what we know now, we accept as the only truth.

We grow up thinking we need everything...reads a list of materialistic things.

And to get what we think we "need" we are conditioned to overwork.

It starts young too!

Kids don’t need half of the things they see in commercials and on YouTube. Yet they are taught to sprint towards that next "milestone" from graduation to graduation. Just look at our school system. Where is the creative play, the freedom of thought and time?

As soon as we’re born we don’t belong to ourselves. We belong to a system, that raises us to be a certain way.

Once a milestone is achieved....there is always more.

The bar just moves up. 

First, our teachers and parents tell us - more, more, more. And then we grow up with the same voice in our minds.

Yet as we achieve are we happier?

Or do we just ask, where has the time gone?

Who is truly benefiting? From this mindset you embody and your drive.

This conditioning for more created a treadmill that we are bound to get lost on at some point in our lives.

If everyone is on it - it’s hard to get out. Running faster and faster.

The more you are on this treadmill, the more money becomes the carrot. It's hard to take a step back and see money as just a form of energy - one type of energy exchange.

The more it’s about the shiny object in front of you. We become pleasure-seeking junkies looking for our next dopamine shot. Yet there are always consequences. The more we step in this direction…The more the soul depletes. The more emptiness and sadness set in.

Steps are choices. Each step is what we give our energy and attention to.

Ask yourself...

"Is the step making you sicker or healthier?"

"Is it making you emptier or fuller?"

"Who is it feeding - your higher self or the ego?"

The wheels turn with every step you take. When will you get off?

— Part II — Ambition Redefined: Reflecting on Motivations

I look at my past. Every choice I made. Everything I achieved. I see the world and the system so clearly now. Floating above it.

All I can do is ask…

Is my ambition a product of myself; or societal conditioning?

Why do I do what I do? Why do I want what I want?

The only answer is to distinguish between different types of ambition.

To look at desires and ask what the motivation is…

And ask yourself if your desire is coming from a "motivation" or an "inspiration". (more on the difference later…)

• Is it ambition for self-growth - books, creating from inspiration, spiritual development?

• Is the ambition to serve? Build better systems for the world, contribute to a cause greater than yourself, and provide for your family.

• Or is the ambition of a different kind? For the endless material things, the hedonistic way of life, or things we don’t even know why we want?

Even as an entrepreneur this rings true.

Even the businesses we put our energy into are driven by different ambitions.

It’s beautiful to create. It’s even better to get back the energy you put in return. Even if the "energy" is in the form of money to you, your family, or your business.

I’m not saying to do everything for free...and to deem money evil.

I'm not saying to let others take from you endlessly, to live without replenishment or even comforts. 

I’m just saying - ASK WHY!

How does your ambition replenish you back?

So what are you wishing for tonight? And what is the true intent behind your dreams?

🙏

— Part III — Why Does This Matter?

Ambition isn't inherently good or bad—it's how we channel it that matters. Let's strive for a balanced approach to success, one that prioritizes self-awareness, authenticity, and genuine happiness.

Why?

The fastest way into stress, depression, and numbness is endlessly chasing after material possessions or unattainable desires.

When ambition is out of balance. 

You're not giving yourself a chance to be in the present moment. And to ask "Why does anything I do really matter to me?" 

You're just checking things off a list. A list that isn't created by you - but by external forces like society, family, or your boss.

You also don't give yourself a chance to enjoy what you already have. To celebrate and reflect on your past, seeing how far you've come along. 

When you focus on "lack" ...that emptiness can eat you up.

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus

But remember - it's not your fault!!!

I hate when people say "Just be present"..." Just be grateful".

That is damn hard to do.

Here is a better first step...

Acknowledge the system you grew up in.

The system you live in.

The world that conditioned you to think a certain way.

That put "reward" in front of you, gave you a taste, and taught you how to run.

You have to separate yourself, from the system at large. 

Then, you can finally breathe and examine.

Then you can ask "What do I want to run for?"

And make sure, it's something that will bring you joy. That you will truly be grateful for. 

Recap

• Question motivations: Reflect on whether your ambition stems from societal conditioning or genuine inspiration.

• Differentiate desires: Distinguish between ambitions for personal growth, serving others, and materialistic pursuits.

• Count the cost: Consider the toll of endless striving and the potential emptiness it may lead to.

• Break the cycle: Explore alternative paths to fulfillment beyond the conventional pursuit of more.