How to Rebuild Self-Trust and Show Up for What Matters

At some point I was lost… Too many ideas, too many thoughts, too many twists and turns. So here’s what I did, to get unstuck…

Angelina Fomina

Apr 22, 2025

So everyone was telling me to cut my projects,

to ground, to focus, to get disciplined.

As I kept digging. I realized…

Discipline wasn’t the issue.

My grandfather, raised me to get fully dressed before a match would burn out.

So the work ethic runs deep.

I was deeply disciplined in my teens and twenties.

It's what got me into the best business school in Canada.

It's how I moved to San Francisco, started a company, and landed jobs at Facebook and Shopify.

I used to wake up at 7:00am, and by 7:15, rush to catch the little white shuttle bus from San Francisco to Menlo Park. There, I was dialed in until at least 7 pm.

Focus wasn’t the answer either…

If anything, I had too much of it—just in bursts.

ADHD has been a part of my story since childhood.

I’ve been diagnosed in 4 different countries, across 4 different life stages.

For most of my life, I managed to make it work.

Because when there’s pressure—an exam, a deadline, a visa renewal, or rent due—ADHD becomes its own kind of superpower. You don’t just focus. You hyperfocus.

But here’s the truth…

The issue was never discipline.

The issue was never focus.

It was knowing what to focus on.

WHAT TO COMMIT TO.

What to let go.

Each week I will share one part on commitment: so keep reading or subscribe:

Part 1:

How I reached a breaking point and turned from a systemically disciplined person to “chaos”
Overcommitment vs. uncommitment → the two sides of the same coin
Why commitment feel so hard → especially after burn out

Part 2 → next week: How do I build the muscle of commitment?

Part 3 → week after next: What if I don’t know what to commit to?

The Breaking Point — From Systemic Discipline to Chaos

At some point in my life… something broke.

After a few layoffs, heartbreaks, and the invisible toll of being an immigrant twice—first to Canada as a child, then to the U.S. in adulthood—I started to spin.

After taking time to heal, reconnect with my creativity, and explore after losing stability in most areas of my life — health, home, relationship and job…

I still found myself spinning, even when I knew exactly what the next steps were.

I was tired of starting things I didn’t finish.

Tired of saying yes to everything and letting people down, when I took on too much.

Tired of not knowing what to anchor into.

I started looking for answers…

To break this pattern

My friend Akano said…

“You have a lot of ideas and energy, but you need to settle into it. Otherwise, they just fritter and sizzle. Right now, you’re kicking up a lot of dust running furiously in circles, and then you wonder why you don’t see clearly.”

Why Commitment (Not Focus or Discipline) is the Real Issue

Everyone talks about focus. Grounding. Discipline.

Focus can be sharp but fleeting.

Focus isn't the problem when you're under pressure—you'll get things done.

And discipline? You've had it before.

Grounding helps—but only if you're clear on what you're grounding into.

What I really lacked was commitment — in all areas of my life.

But most importantly — commitment to myself.

Commitment to a vision for my life, career, and what I was building.

The conviction to stick with it.

And the emotional safety to believe it wouldn't disappear or be taken away from me.

My intuitive reader said…

“Commitment is a big one for her. There was a lack of it in childhood, so now, as an adult, she finds it hard to commit. She’s always on the move, searching. If she can work through this, many opportunities will open.”

Overcommitted vs. Uncommitted: Two Sides of the Same Coin

I used to think I had an overcommitment problem. I was saying yes to everything. Burning out. Dropping the ball.

But the truth is—overcommitment and lack of commitment are the same issue in different clothes.

Both come from a lack of clarity.

Both lead to burnout.

Both sabotage your self-trust.

When you're overcommitted, your energy is scattered.

When you're uncommitted, your energy is stagnant.

In both cases—you stay stuck.

Why Commitment Feels So Hard (Especially After Burnout)

Just some reasons, commitment might feel hard for you too — resulting in a lack of focus, discipline and grounding.

1. You've been burned before.

A failed relationship. A layoff. A startup that didn't work out. Your nervous system remembers—and now it flinches when anything feels too permanent. You feel like if you fully step in, that thing might be taken away from you or you’ll fail.

2. There's no roadmap anymore.

School told you what to do next. Corporate jobs gave you structure. But now you're building something of your own—or trying to. And it feels like decision paralysis. You might also be crafting a unique career path, or switching jobs. Again — there’s no roadmap, no check-list and no one holding your hand.

3. You don't trust yourself to follow through.

You've quit before. And you're scared of quitting again. So you either don't start—or you start ten things at once and hope one sticks.

4. You're overwhelmed by ADHD, overexcitement, or fear.

You're not lazy. You're just overloaded. And when everything feels equally urgent, nothing moves.

5. You’re stuck in decision paralysis, and uncertainty

Commitment is the hardest, when you don’t know the right decision to take — be it choosing where to live, what to work on, which job to take. If you ruminate in your head about the pros and cons, and all of the options but don’t take action, or do so with fear. Well that = lack of commitment.

Share with a friend, or loved one who wants to feel seen and understood!

1. How This Shows Up At Work: Overachieving Yet Dropping the Ball on a Few things

When I worked at Meta, I was part of the youth safety team—running projects with 30+ engineers, pitching to VPs of every major app, talking to 200 stakeholders weekly. I was proud of my work.

But my performance review didn’t focus on the wins.

Instead, I heard: “Your work is brilliant, but sometimes you’re late. Or in that one presentation….Or in that one interaction”

That’s what sticks.

Even if you carry ten things across the finish line—one dropped ball creates doubt. And when you’re overcommitted, those cracks start to show.

It’s better to do less

Slowly

Carefully

With the right energy and intention.

2. How This Shows Up in Entrepreneurship: Spinning vs. Finishing

Creative people often struggle with this.

You’re full of ideas. You say yes to everything. But nothing gets done.

As Apple’s former CEO said:

People think focus means saying yes to the things you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means. It means saying no to the hundred other good things. — Steve Jobs

The people who build great things aren’t the most talented.

They’re just the most committed.

3. How This Shows Up In Relationships: Unintentional Hot & Cold Energy

The same pattern repeats in your relationships.

You say yes to every dinner invite. Every project. Every call.

And then cancel last minute, feeling guilty and overwhelmed.

Sometimes you overbook yourself—social plans, calls, hobbies.

Other times you disappear.

People can view you are noncommittal and cold but really you are overwhelmed from over committing.

People don’t know what’s going on inside you—they just see someone who’s unreliable. And over time, they stop reaching out.

Maybe you appear one day, present and full of love. And the next day you pull away. Not intentionally. I understand you because we have been friends for a long time but unless someone know your like me, they probably won’t understand. They’ll think you don’t care. But your just overwhelmed or doing a hundred things. - one of my friends

If you flake once or twice, people get over it.

If your super late, it’s fine a few times but not always.

If you keep over committing and cancelling late minute, well…

If the “hot and cold” becomes a pattern, trust erodes.

4. How This Shows Up in Life: Moving Cities, Switching Hobbies, Running Away

Anchoring has never been in my nature.

She’s tired of running. Want to settle but hasn’t found the place. Needs to choose a path and stop flirting here, there, everywhere. — Reading from Sharon my intuitive advisor.

I see this is again highly creative, curious, adventurous and freedom seeking people.

There’s so much to explore in the world.

So much to learn and see.

So many hobbies to try — kiteboarding, surfing, knitting, guitar, signing….

I understand.

I get so excited about the possibilities.

All of the places.

Things I haven’t tried yet.

Situations that may surprise me.

Yet when you don’t know where you belong, you don’t stay long enough anywhere to find out.

And if you don’t commit you don’t fully see anything through to get the benefit of depth! Be it a subject you’re studying or a friendship you are building or a location you’re exploring.

Now in my travel life — I travel slow

I’ve identified a few places in the world I love living in

Then I spend a month, three or six there

Really getting to know the culture

The people and the community

For example…

I’ve been coming to Peru five times in seven year even though I have chances to see to other spiritual and beautiful regions like India, Nepal, New Zealand…

But I ask myself:

What do I want to learn from this experience?

By staying in Peru, every time I come back I find more and more beautiful surprises. Like meeting a medicine woman I enjoy working with that has a deep and traditional understanding of Amazonian plants, so I’m able to find herbal solutions for myself and my family.

Or getting to connect with the mountains more and more through daily prayer and contact.

5. You Can’t Run From Yourself Forever

As a nomad, I’ve lived in five countries.

I used to think the next place would finally feel like home.

But the truth is, I was running. From decisions. From emotions.

From the commitment to stay still.

And every new place brought the same emotional weight.

This is where I learnt:

You can’t escape the inner chaos with external movement.

Because everywhere you go—you bring yourself.

More next week :)